Barre The Door
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2004-01-18 09:06:11 (UTC)

Saturday, January 17th, 2004

So I'm Ben, and this is my life. I'm 18, living in the
most boring cowtown minus the cows city you'll ever visit.
I go to Sierra College, although right now I'm on break...
The Spring semester starts next Monday, I'm taking 18
units. I want to major in music but my parents are pushing
English. I've wanted to be an English teacher for some time
now, but only because being a professional musician or
music teacher wasn't a reality. Two years ago I started
taking guitar lessons from Scott Allen, I've been in love
ever since. Music will always be one of the loves of my
life; I hope. My girlfriend loves music too. Right now
we're having some difficulties. She doesn't know if she
wants to be with me anymore.
I think I might have an anger problem, but that might
just be because she tells me I do. When I get angry, my
reaction is to leave the area because it seems to release
tension for me. My girlfriend wouldn't get out of my way
last Thursday, so while she was pushing me, she grabbed
onto my arm and I pushed her out of my way. Then I left.
I'm embarassed about this and I wish it had never happened.
It's not ok for guys to hit girls. She's really having a
hard time with this. So we haven't hung out much this past
week. Tonight when I was closing at Papa Johns, I'm a
delivery driver, my ex-girlfriend Julie came by. She said
that her friends and she were just out for a drive when she
saw my car, so she decided to stop in and say hi. I wish
she hadn't. Julie was my first girlfriend almost two years
ago and I had a tremendously hard time getting over her.
She broke up with me because she "wasn't ready for where
the relationship was going". So tonight after BSing for a
while I told her I had to go finish mopping because Eric
was shutting down and stuff.
"It was good talking to you though, I'll probably see you
at Sierra."
"Yeah definitely, and if you ever need any help cheating on
Tiffany I support you 100% and you have my number."
Man, this came as a shock to me and it really has put me in
a state of turmoil... You see, there's nobody I would
rather be with than my girlfriend, when she's happy. When
she's not happy though, she makes me not happy. Right now
we're not happy. We've broken up before and it seems like
it's happening again. But, I want to marry her. I think
sometimes that being in such a serious relationship isn't
good for me at this age, that I should break up with her to
experience other girls. If I broke up with her, I'd
probably call Julie.

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