Ryan

fasthands135
2004-01-18 07:17:09 (UTC)

more confusing entries

lets see. whats been going on this week. I have spent most
of this week memorizing 108 measures of jason beckers AIR
peice. it is such a beautiful peice. i thought it was the
first peice of his music that I could attempt to play
good. its hard as hell. Its a clean electric guitar peice.
very classicaly inspired bach sound. of course duh by the
name of the peice haha(air). the cool thing about this
peice is that theres like 3 or 4 different guitars
sometimes playing at once. lots of players just harmonize
by playing the exact same thing over there peice. but
these are totally different parts layered together. please
check out this peice if you havent heard it.
you know what I really hate. Is when im having a
conversation with someone and they will say something
like "hey ryan remember when this and that happend"?. but
before i can answer that say oh you wouldnt remember
anyways. (because of my e.c.t. treatments. yes im havin
remembering things that have happend recently and a whole
in the past and most definatly around the time of my
treatments i cant remember anything.
I know ive talked about this upcoming situation with a
person. My old so called friend danielle dosent want to
talk to me anymore. I told one of her friends eric to tell
her to rot in hell. she im's me and says so you want me to
rot in hell? she acts like she dosent deserve to hear
that. and the thing is, is that i dont even mean it! I
mean come on first i was told from her boyfriend that he
would kill me or break my neck or something like that and
them im told from him that she thinks im abnormal and them
im told be eric that she only hung out with me all these
years because she felt bad for me the way i was and
probably still am in different ways. and with all that
when her bf was talking to me on the phone everyone was
laughing. I never treated her bad. i treated her with
respect. i liked her a lot as a FRIEND. i loved bein
around her. I DONT WANT ANYONE TO ROT IN HELL! not even
danielle. as time has gone by since then im realizing more
and more that shes right. we shouldnt be friends. and i
think im starting to see how this whole friendship was
fake by what she told me about feeling bad for me. yeah i
know im being a bitchy loser. but i like to bitch!
I got one good friend right now. his name is max. hes
cool as hell and a great friend. im happy about that. but
for some reason like ive said in the past the more i speak
the facts and how i feel people go away. i dont know why i
repeat myself over and over again. i noticed in lots of
peoples online journals there all artsy fartsy. sometimes
its cool sometimes its not. but i think about it
sometimes. yeah i know random. i just like to talk in this
journal like im just thinking everything through. well not
everything. again again like ive said before play peices
on guitar for people when there around done seem to work.
ive been enjoying playing by myself. ive been putting a
lot of time in to playing. i think its payin off. I was
this persons house and they had an issue of stuff magazing
you know with all the hot girls in it. Tara reid was on
the cover and they had this interview with her. she said
one think that i started to think about. she said
something like if you have a ex bf or gf you should just
leave it at that. dont try and get in contact with them
and stop calling them. the more you try to get a hold of
them the more they think your nuts. Well that definatly
has applied to me. the only two gf's that had )jen, and
stacey) both very cool and pretty at the time. I have been
calling them constantly. Why? i have no fucking clue. i
dont even know whhat to say to them. i havent even seen
them in years. but they were good friends to. very good
friends. i guess thats why i call. because i havent come
by good friends to often. i think a lot of people think im
like a stalker sometimes haha. im really not. the thing is
that yes i do deparatly want to talk to people sometimes
and thats why i call constantly. thats all there is to it.
well ill just talk about my new abnormal psych class
that just started last monday at occ in royal oak. my
teacher is awesome. he looks like a biker or somethin. hes
got long ass hair and a beard down to his belly button.
hehe i said bellybutton. hes very laid back. i think im
going to enjoy this class. i dont know how im going to do
overall in this class but will see. more on this later. I
think thats it, time to play guitar. peace!!!




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