Halow Effect

The Nile's Edge
2004-01-18 02:21:43 (UTC)

Endless Twisting of Constance

something's tearing me apart. ...and i don't feel i'm
exaggerating.

joe and cristy both agreed that i'm "hard to read". i had
no idea...i've always thought i was easy to talk to,
therefore easy to read. in a way, being hard to read is
good because i don't want to be this total open book but
then i don't want someone to feel they can't approach me.
some people have no reservations with me but i know that
some must.

...i um....read brian's iBlog today in my boredom (i've
finished kevin's finally...so i moved on to brian). one
entry knocked me on my ass. i read it three times and i
wish i...i don't know what i wish. i didn't want to go any
further...so i stopped.

things got weird...and i feel like it's all my fault. i
want to tell him i'm sorry for everything i said, for
every thought i had...because my thoughts are what i'm
regretting and i'm sorry i took everything too seriously
and that i wasn't as good of a friend as i should've been,
i wasn't as understanding as i usually was...i'm sorry i
feel so lost and hurt without being able to explain why. i
can't keep doing this to myself and i don't want to feel
like i'm screwing things up. you know what i actually did?
i actually thought that i should just drop off the face of
the earth for awhile...i felt like i was so wrong and so
guilty that it'd be better for everyone is i just went
away...

we were so close.


"I'm sorry"




Ad: