The Darkness Within
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2004-01-18 01:35:42 (UTC)

The Darkness Within Me

I decided to start writing in this because there are alot
of things in my head that I need to get out somewhere and
I know I could tell my closest friend but she has too much
on her plate these days anyhow. I could tell my other
friends but their lives are busy and don't need the weight
of my problems on their table too.

I decided to make this public because I know there are
many people who have the same problems that I do and I
also know through the strength of many there is a power
that people can draw upon to help themselves. If anyone
wants to talk about the things in their head email me at
[email protected] which is my poetry email address and I'll
be happy to converse with you.

Throughout my life I've been a fairly depressed person.
I'm only happy when I'm in a realationship with someone
any other time I'm depressed. Lately the thought of
suicide has been creeping up again and again. My main
standby protecting me from it is the worry about what my
friends and family think but lately that has been slipping
through the cracks. I'm the kind of person who fixes
everyone. I find someone who needs help and I take care
of them. I've found tho through time that nobody does the
same thing around me. Nobody notices when someone is
having a tough time and tries to help them. Perhaps I'm
one of a kind in that aspect but I'd guess that the
surgeon needs a doctor sometimes too...

I'm a 24 year old man living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
(if you couldn't figure that one out). My spelling sucks
so you grammer nazi's will find a whole lot to point out
to me... I don't care so don't try. Thanks :) I'm about
69 and 3/4" tall (that's around 5'10" or so) brown hair
and eyes. I'm not too bad looking.. at least I can say
that now. I'm a little overweight but not bad... I'm
around 180 or so. I'd have to say my best attribute tho
is my eyes. I have deep brown eyes that are fairly
interesting to look at. Unless you study them carefully
you will never see the lines in my eyes... A few girls
have said they thought I was the devil ;) because my eyes
have no lines and my persuasive nature.

I guess I just started this because of the thoughts
rattling in my head... I'm sure nobody really cares what
I'm thinking but that's fine... you don't have to read
this do you? I'm thinking about talking to a shrink for
the first time in my life because I'm affraid of what I
might do. I have to be careful tho because I could lose
my job if I say the wrong things and that would just be a
BAD thing.

Well that's it for the first entry. I hope through
writing things out maby I'll help someone.. but most
importantly (and finally now that I realize it) help

May the wind always fill your sails and your path be clear.


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