2004-01-17 06:02:38 (UTC)

there's gotta be more to... this..

if it's going to be anything.

I see you and I almost dont know what to do with myself.
Ok. I truly don't know what to do with myself.
I am physically shaking and have to like, hop around
so my legs don't give out. WHAT THE HECK?!

But even so.

Even so at this exact moment i could write it off and be
satisfied with what is tangible.

Even so. Even so.

I dont really know what to say you know. (of course you
know, u were there to see me in action lol)

I mean I like that, but it can't be
all I ever get you know. It's not enough. There's gotta be

And those people. I dont think
I could take them. I'm not sure you know? I mean a lot of
people write you off, and I dont want to be the same as
them in the others' case, because people were so wrong
with you. But still i dont think I would like it, and I
dont like feeling intimidated.

I know she is into
you, and I dont know what's going on, and I know you're
awesome, but I don't know if there's anything really..
well...FOR me to do.

There is
someone else who sees inside, and I feel like there's
almost too much pressure with you. Pressure put on by me.
I accept that, but pressure nonetheless.

mean, it's not like there isn't any pressure with the
other person.. well not pressure exactly.. just well. I am
not really sure. It's just different.

See, I'm still so giddy and childish with you. Wait. I
guess I am with him, too, but with you it feels like
infatuation. And sure, given time, that could change into
something more. like what i already have. and it's not
that I take it for granted either. I'm just scared that I
want to take anything to any other level because more and
more that's what i think. WHEW.

admitting is hard to do.
It's wearing me out. I dont have to have it all figured
out tonight. Oh dear the thought that I really want you
scares the pants off of me. I oh. I can't even make
comprehensible language anymore.