2004-01-17 02:54:54 (UTC)

more crazy dreams..,

at her apartment but it was a different one, and fatass
came home but i just sort of stood behind this pole and she
didnt see me and she went in the shower and im like okay i
gotta go cus i was all scared and shes like no not yet, and
we were like kissing a lot and i was like no i have to go!
and i was looking for my stuf but we kept kissing and then
i heard the shower turn off and i was like oh my god, i
have to go, and i grabbed my keys and found my shoes but i
couldnt find my cell phone and she wouldnt help me look,
she was like you dont have to go and i was like yes i do,
and i couldnt find it and i heard the bathroom door open
and i was like find it and bring it downstairs i'll wait
and i ran out really fast.

so im down there waiting with my dog, but it wasnt my dog,
it was a tiny little rat looking dog, and i see my
grandparents car and my aunts car next to mine. and i see
them coming down the stairs and my dog is running around
getting dirty and im like oh shit i have to hide in my car
before they see me, so i go but they were using the clicky
to unlock their car and accidentally i got in their car
instead of my own, and my dog was jumping all over muddying
everything up and they're walking toward me and im
sarcastically like "oh shit, im sorry, is this your car,
oops" and i get out and my grandmothers like "im not even
going to speak to you." and meanwhile my aunt moves this
big smelly full trash can out of her way so she can back
out, and as i walk by to get in my car, i just dump the
whole thing in the back of her truck and shes like "YOU
BITCH" and she starts backing out and im pulling my dogs
leash cus i thought she might hit him but she missed and
they left.

so im just sitting there and waiting on my cell phone and i
wait and wait for like hours and shes not coming and then
my dog is just running all around and he runs into this big
muddy thick pond and im like ewwww get out of there cus i
was scared of alligators in it and he goes under and i see
him swimming but it was so scary and i was crying and i
didnt know if i should go in there cus it was scary and
pull him out or see if he got out but then he didnt but he
was all crazy and he ran and jumped up in this tree and bit
onto a branch and just hung there straight out from it with
his teeth in it, it was so fucking weird the whole thing
and then i woke up.

i dont know why im so fucking tired. ive been getting
enough sleep lately but i still feel half dead and when i
come home all i want to do is sleep. and my back still
hurts so bad. i only worked half the day today then i came
and cleaned for my mom. and no drinking tonight. but im
going to see along came polly im so excited, thats my kind
of cheesy corny goofy movie and it has ben stiller AND
rachel!! and tomorrow i might go out with claudia.

i need to meet someone or something. to distract me.
because this is out of control in a big way. but then i
look at people and people IM me off of facethejury and i
look at girls on facethejury and i remember how stupid and
ugly people are. seriously. im going to die alone.

actually i think i might have a few drinks and maybe i'll
forget about how bad my back hurts. and everything else
for that matter.

"Nothing is complete without its shadow. Try to embrace
your situation for all its good and bad aspects. You are
made beautiful by your pain just as much as by your joy."