leadhead

Silent Screams of a Dope Feind
2004-01-16 05:15:48 (UTC)

one more day closer to death

today was a very stupid waste of a day. i was supposed to
go out to lunch with jen but when i eventually called her
she acted as though we had never discussed doing so. also
she was busy taking care of sick franky. i think that the
reason franky keeps inviting me over to jen's is so that he
can keep me close and watch what i'm doing (keep your
friends close but your enemy's closer) furthermore i don't
have any idea where i stand with steve and now that he got
fired from the club i think that we are just going to keep
on drifting apart until there is nothing left of our
friendship...i am very sad about this. steve is just too
busy with his new friends to ever chill or even call me the
last time that we hung out in the past 2 months was when
everybody went to vermont for a week and he had nothing
better to do, alls we did was go to the rez and get cigs (i
drove) so in otherwords i got to chauffer him while he did
errands. tyler is a good friend but all he ever wants to
do is chill in his filthy apartment and drink and smoke
pot, not that there is anything wrong with that but it gets
old very very quickly. dommy hmmm... that brings up all
sorts of questions and what if scenarios. i am glad that
he didn't call me, sorta pissed but, i don't know what i
want just right now. iam lonley but i keep on convincing
myself that i am content being a loner. i am afraid of
making a commitment to someone and then them just walking
all over me and then have nothing to show for it after
putting in years(generously speaking)of work is it really
better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? i
personally always lean to the later. i moved around the
dining room today, mixed reactions: it is nice because
everything has a place but mom isn't pleased. i'm not
either but i made the most logical decisions with furniture
placement. i miss all of the friends that i used to have
when i was younger! What did i do wrong nobody calls me
anymore! i wish i knew what about me just turns people
off. as far as i know nobody is upset with me, maybe steve,
but aside from that i dunno.
Gina-Scott's baby
Jen-old indian man
Dave-Sara
Sara-Dave
Steve-?
Jerry-cds
Jerry-?
Andy-?
Mike Dion-Lindsey&baby
Mike-not really all that great of friends to begin with
Gered-?
Franky-Jen
Jennifer-Franky
Rizzo-?
Dan-i wish i knew
Drew-hmmmm...
Nasty-HOE
Earl-talked shit
Gant-?
Adam-?
...just to name a few...
Why can't i keep friends?
Why can't i keep friends?
Why can't i keep friends?
Why can't i keep friends?
steve called me last night at 2am and asked if i wanted to
go to mothers i really did but it was just too damn
impractical
i dunno i'll be back




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