BChicka08

GotMilk?
2004-01-16 01:10:07 (UTC)

6. Wishing you were here

January 15, 2004

7:51pm

Dear Diary,

The past week has been so weird. Ive lost someone I really
care about. Hes my everything. But he cant see that. I
dont know what to do without him. Sometimes when I think
about him, I think its for the better that we cant be
together anymore. Sometimes I believe its all going to be
okay and I will survive, it will be hard but I'll make it.
And then other times, I just feel completly vulnerable to
him. His smile makes it ten times worse. And I miss
everything about him. I took him for granted when I had
him. I wish I could go back in time and make everything
right.. but I cant. I will regret some of the things I did
in my past 2 years I spent with him. I wish he could just
see that I care about him. If he did, maybe it would help.
But I dont know anymore. I think hes still the same
person. We hugged again today, it felt so good to be back
in his arms. But then again it made my pain so much worse.
I miss him so much. But it seems to me, its not just a
little breakup. It actually is over. I need to come to my
senses and tell myself that he doesn't want this anymore.
But I cant. Not right yet. I would do anything for him. I
really would. And when he was sad about something, I start
thinking, and I was never really there for him the way I
should have been. I know Im not perfect but I try. I try
my hardest. Im starting to think thats just another
problem of mine. Everything sucks so bad. I miss him. I
wish he knew how I felt. I used to be able to talk to him
about pretty much anything. Somethings I didnt tell him
when he asked for his own good. I think I might have held
him too close but if I did I just did it because he was so
special to me. I think that with him gone now, there will
always be a piece of me missing. I miss it. I miss him.




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