Steve Blair

Steve's pathetic life
2004-01-15 18:23:58 (UTC)

Depression sets in

I guess things havn't been grand lately. Actually things
have been pretty bad.It seem like all of my friends old and
new have found boy/girlfriends to share thrie lives with
(at least for the time being) while I am still in search of
someone. I think that if I made my self seem more... I
don't know... open to others I might find someone, but it's
like trying to keep a fast frog from hopping off a hot
skillet. I don't know what to do differently.
I am upset becaues I want a real meaningful relationship.
I don't want just a fuck buddy because if I wanted to get
laid there are lots of people that I could go to and get my
groove on. i want someone to talk to when I have a problem
like Ashley, someone to tell me she loves me like Miranda,
someone to show concern and comfort me even when I act like
I don't need it like Justtin, even some one to fight with
as long as I have someone.
Maybe there is no perfect match for us like we were told
as we grew up. I thought I had my soul mate at one time but
she has found love with another guy and he is really good
to her... better than I was... so for now on I'm not going
to beleve those people when they tell me there are more
fish in the sea. Sure there are fish, what else would be in
the sea? It's just that all the good fish are taken, too
hard to catch, or uninterested in boy fish (if you know
what I mean).
Oh, I am mad at Chris. Remember when I wrote about those
girls we meet in the mall? Well, he goes to school with
them and he has been lying to me! He has been telling me
that he is not talking to them and that every time I ask
him if he wants to hang out he says he's with guy friends
or something like that but really he's with them. It's not
like I'm jealous or anything, it's just that I don't like
being lied to especially if it's over something so trivial.
I guess I'm more hurt than anything because out of my list
of... what?... six, seven people in the whole world I can
trust, I have to cross one off and i need all the support I
can get.
Well, I don't want to depress you too so I'll quit now.
I'm not usually this winey but I was just shocked that he
would do that and I am feeling very violent towards him
right now. I'm going to avoid him so nothing happends but
if I even see that lying little back stabber he's giong to
end up in the hospital and I can do it if I want to!

-Steve-




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