Deservesbetter

Deteriorating
2004-01-15 06:11:25 (UTC)

Too many

I have never been more confused in my life. Ok here goes:

1st guy: I love him...i can't say much more than that. I
consider him one of my best friends...and i know we are
just friends...but i love him. and care about him more
than anyone will ever know.

2nd guy: I still have feelings for him, and its almost
like i never stopped liking him. ( i know that i won't
ever be with the first guy, which is ok, b/c we are so
much better as friends) But i dated this guy last
semester...and i want him back. He broke up with me, i
didn't do anything wrong...(long story behind that) but i
miss him, uncontrollably.

3rd guy: yes...another...now don't think that i'm a slut
here or anything...granted i'm not with anyone right now
at all...and honestly i shouldn't be, considering i don't
know what i want. But this guy i met over xmas
break...he's such a cool kid, and i thought/think i like
him not sure about it though...i think its a minor crush,
but i do care about him and think about him often. That is
something that is totally not as important right now.

4th guy: and final one...this guy named michael (not
lowe). I went to high school with him, he was a year
ahead of me. But my friends were his friends but we never
hung out. He is a pretty cute kid...not really my type in
h.s. But now, i saw him over xmas break, actually the day
before i came back up to school. We talk online a
lot...not that anything is going in the direction of
dating. I guess i consider it a crush again.

But here's the thought through all of this...I hate saying
this, but its almost like some of these are back ups...if
that makes sense. I can't get the one i love...so go to
the next...but its not like that..or at least i dont' want
to think that way. I like all of them for who they are,
and i wouldn't play them, or use them until i got
the "better" one. There is no better one, i want them to
know that. I want pple to know that (mainly my friends). I
don't know what to do, i just know that i shouldn't do
anything until i knwo what i want...

But i say...I know that i want my love: cant have him. I
want the 2nd guy back so bad: not totally sure what COULD
happen with that again, most likely though:cant have him
either. 3rd guy: i know he likes me and i care about him
the same...but long distance relationships don't work out.
4th guy: a crush for now...nothing big with that.

Oh well...who knows what god will bring me...i sure hope
something...if not a guy, then maybe cheesecake.. :)

The girl that deserves better.




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