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2004-01-15 05:00:16 (UTC)

fading away

wow... the past two nights have been hell on earth. OK
kyle, jake, emily, and i all went to the boone vs lloyd
basketball game, i had a feeling it wasn't a good idea from
the second we walked out my door, everyone was in funny
moods. so we get to the game, yadda yadda, we watch the
game, and emily and i sit there the whole time and talking
about Lloyd people... em decided thats where she wants to
go to school, i disagree thou.. just doesn't do it for me
(ha) and then i sat there and made fun of myself bc i was
bored as shit. yea... carlos shows up and kyle and him talk
the whole nite... we leave.. and emily and i linked arms bc
we were freezing balls bc we didn't have our coats and
yea... so we get to the car and no one talks on the way
home. i def. start crying bc i know kyles mad at me for
some reason and im freaking out inside. yea.. me and em are
dropped off at my house and i thank kyle for the ride, get
out of the car and lose it... i get to my front door and
pretty much collapse to the ground bc im crying so hard.. i
felt like i just crumbled apart, it was horrible. i sat
out there and cried for a good 10 min then had to get the
courage to go inside and face my mom, she was like fucking
flipping out bc i was so upset, so yea, i went washed up
and headed out to take emily home. i dropped her off and
just headed out to florence to drive and get shit off my
mind, but i ended up crying the whole ride, and i called
kyle bc i really wanted to talk to him but he said no. so
yea... then today, was even better. I cried myself to sleep
after school, woke up, talked ot some people, cried some
more, headed out once agian to drive, cried a lil in the
car, you get the idea. then i called em when i got up to
the mall bc i stopped off to drop sumpthin off to tim and
then i got a phone call from em, and it was full of bad
news, so guess what.. i cried! ha... yea anywho.. i called
kyle myself, pretty much confessing how much i liked him
which you have no idea... and i got shot down pretty much.
i feel so dumb because i like him as much as i do, so hurt,
so used, so... so... sad... and alone.