psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2004-01-14 22:16:10 (UTC)

i cannot name this, i cannot explain this,

just blame it all on me, just call me shameless...


Whatever.. i had another insane dream, one of the most
graphic and intense dreams of -that- kind i've had in
awhile... but then that wasnt a good start to my day when i
woke up from it, remembered how things really are and
started crying. i didnt even want to get out of bed.

today wasnt bad at work, i did fun stuf, casting finials
and doing body work on the big chandeliers. i didnt want
to stay all day, but i did. its okay, i need the money, i
dont even have enough to buy books so i have to wait on
some of them.

i got an email from monica.=) thats nice. i havent talked
to her in forever. she was so hot and sweet. she moved to
california. lucky her.

this back pain is absolutely killing me, i dont know what
to do, im having trouble getting a doctors appointment in
my schedule and their schedule and it hurts so bad i could
cry sometimes.

the boys are coming over to take the bird. then im guna
cook dinner for my mom, take a bath, watch friends, and get
drunk and play poker with her again. i need to win some of
my money back.

i need to get my life back is what i need. now that im
trying to make myself believe reality, beat the delusions
out of my own head and set myself up for what i know will
happen, i just want to get out of here. i dont even want
to wait until june. i just want to go away because when
things are far away and out of reach its better than being
close and out of reach and maybe i can regain some sanity
if i just get away from it. it didnt work in gainesville
but maybe it'll work this time, i need to go farther.


.........................................................
how could you do nothing, and say im doing my best?
how could you beg me to stay, reach out your hands and plead
then pack up your eyes and run away as soon as i agreed
.......................................................