Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2004-01-13 07:48:43 (UTC)

I'm in another mood

I know I haven't written in a while. I really feel bad
about that. Life has been keeping me busy though. I got
drunk on Saturday. It started off as one drink because I
discovered I had Crown Royal in my freezer. Then it
became three and David and Pierre said that half Crown and
half soda wasn't enough. So I put in more crown for the
last couple drinks.

I managed to just start to really feel drunk. Then Dave
mentioned Elissa. I instantly began to sober up. Being
nice I asked if the two of them were doing any better.
His reply was he thought they were.

I burst into tears when he said that. We talked more and
I mentioned I was frustrated about something. He asked
what it was and if he could help. Inside I felt bad for
even bringing it up. I told him that I would tell him
later when I wasn't drunk.

My frustration was that I wanted to tell him I don't like
Elissa. I knew the words would come out all wrong
though. There was no way I could have said anything right.

So that was Satruday. Sunday went fine. No hangover or
anything. I did homework Sunday night and went to bed.

Today was the first time I had Graphic Design class. We
get to market a product. Well, a series of three that go
together. Like we come up with a name for it, make
lables, boxes and other stuff to go with it. We get to do
everything! It will be great if I can just decide on the
right product. So far I'm doing salad dressings.

I got a great idea to print out the image of Dave that he
sent me a year or so ago. So, I went looking for it. In
the process I ran across the picture I have of Elissa's
son. I felt sick to my stomach thinking that he's over a
year old now and living with some family somewhere. He
won't grow up to know his real Mother. I just hope he's
happy and healthy.

I honestly felt my stomach tighten for a few minutes after
I saw the picture. It was an odd feeling.

Right now I'm sitting around waiting for a good time to go
to bed.

I was feeling a little down earlier. When talking to Cal
I mentioned that I don't know why Dave has me as one of
his friends. I don't feel quite like I deserve to be one.

Cal wrote back this...

"I know what you are, and you're a friend, even if
sometimes you don't feel like one."

I was so blown away by that. I cried a couple happy
tears. So I feel much better now. I don't know how I go
so lucky as to have friends like her.

When I was drunk I got to thining that I'm so crazy
sometimes...it's a wonder people still want to be my
friend.

Anyway, I guess I'll sign off for tonight. In 10 minutes
I'll say "nite" to dave just like always and go to bed.