Joronas Temnra

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2004-01-13 04:10:11 (UTC)

Tired songs

"A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio"

Why does that resonate so much to me? I'm not yet 21.. were
I in the states, I would not yet be old enough to drink..
ironically old enough to die for my country though. Silly

I don't yet have a full license.. but I don't care so much
about that. Which is strange in itself. Well... not really.
I walk. A lot.

Magic... mystery... I know them both, but I'm still so tired
that they don't fire me anymore. Magic is a part of
everything, magic is life.. but magic isn't enough.

Friends.. I have friends, but only a few. I lean on them as
much as I can bring myself to, but I can't bring myself to
lean on them as much as I need.. I can't ask them to help me
give myself life again.

The people that I've asked to help me do that.. they aren't
with me anymore.. they have their own lives. In the arms and
hearts of another, or simply away from me. Am I strong
enough to wish them well? Easily.. Am I strong enough to go
on? It doesn't feel like it. It feels like the heart that
has grown again inside me is withering up, and taking my
soul with it. Like a flower without water..

They say friends can sing your song -- the song in your
heart -- back to you.. I need that.. but I'm afraid of it..
I'm sang it so long that I'm not sure I can bring myself to
listen to it anymore..