2004-01-13 01:37:32 (UTC)

i dont know what to do. this..

i dont know what to do.

this has all been going on for too long.

ive felt like this for some reason for so long. i just
want it to stop.

and i thought, oh working on my book usually helps.

so i started reading this from the very beginning.

but that sucks because it brings me right back to every
moment i wrote about.

and all i want to do is call her and tell her im thinking
of her and i miss her, but that has lost its meaning, and
it will only annoy her when shes up there having fun and
i'll be able to tell and my feelings will be more hurt.

i wanted to call at 11 and make sure she got there okay and
stuf but i didnt want to annoy her.

i just want it to stop, everything that makes me feel this
way, i dont even know what to do but im so fucking tired of
the same shit over and over and i wish someone would just
grab me and tell me what to do, sometimes i think i have
it so together because im going to school and working at a
job i love and im saving money and whatever but i dont
fucking even care about that, im not made to be an
ambitious career girl im made to be in love.