Wildthing1983

Not Going To Give In.....

Dear Diary,

To sum up something I’m feeling I wrote down this song(s).
I just placed post-it notes around the house to force
myself to face reality. Well, the best I can anyways. I’m
not sure I can run any more. I’ve given up on that. I think
it’s time I get serious and try to get better. I’m tired of
this pain. I’m going to take everything seriously, my doc’s
apt, my feelings, my meds, everything. I can’t stay like
this forever. I can’t let this, my mind, push me and my
family apart or Brandon and I. I love him too much to do
that to him or myself. I’m not saying I’m not going to have
slips here and there, but I’m going to try my damnedest to
get better. I’m tired of this shit. Sure, I may not feel
the same way in an hour or even a day, but I’m not going to
forget, to many post-its. I can’t take thinking the things
any more. The suicide thoughts are bringing me further and
further down, and I refuse to go into a hospital. Ain’t no
way that’s going to happen. I guess this song represents
the part of me that wants to run but right now, the logical
part of me is in control, if that makes any sense. So there
it is. That’s my choice. Just thought I’d share. I’ll write
more later.

-Heather

It's easier to run,
Replacing this pain with something numb,
It’s so much easier to go,
Then face all this pain here all alone,

Something has been taken from deep inside of me,
A secret I’ve kept locked away,
No one could never see,
Wounds so deep they never show,
They never go away,
Like moving pictures in my head,
For years and years they've played,

If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would,
If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame into the grave,

It's easier to run,
Replacing this pain with something numb,
It’s so much easier to go,
Then face all this pain here all alone,

Sometimes I remember,
The darkness of my past,
Bringing back these memories,
I wish I didn’t have,
Sometimes I think of letting go,
And never looking back,
And never moving forward so,
There would never be a past,

If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could,
Stand up and take the blame I would,
If I could take all the shame into the grave I would,
If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame into the grave,

Just washing it aside,
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler than change!!!!!

It's easier to run!
Replacing this pain with something numb,
it’s so much easier to go
then face all this pain here all-alone.........

It's easier to run!!

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to go!!

If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could,
Stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame….
to the grave!