The crazy world of me
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2004-01-11 08:57:52 (UTC)

????Is it possible to make yourself love someone??????

Hey! So I went to my sisters tonight with Ricky and we
played games and shit. My sister and I were drinking and
she threw up all in the bath tub. It was so gross and
smelt so bad but it was funny! Anyway. It was okay I
So I let Ricky borrow my car tonight and he went to see
his ex-girlfriend. It pissed me off so much. First off he
used MY car and second he has no reason to go over there.
Why would he especially after she cheated on him and all.
So I could tell that he went somewhere so I asked where he
went today and to try to get away from the question he said
I didn't go anywhere today. So I asked where he went
tonight and he said a friends. So he had no intentions of
telling me where he went. I guessed it myself. Then he
was like well you hang out with your ex-boyfriends. Which
is true but it is totally diffrent. They were all before
him and she is the one that ruined him and I get together
sooner in the first place. Plus if I ever even talk to one
of my ex-boyfriends I tell him and he did not plan on
telling me at all.
I don't know I just don't feel like I can trust him
anymore. Ever since that day he told me about that bitch
who called his house. Even though that was before we got
together. I told him everything and he didn't tell me
shit. Plus he was telling me he loved me but he was laying
around and shit with some other girl he barely knew.
I just have a feeling that I should get out of this
relationship. It would be better sooner instead of later
because more feelings just get brought into it the longer
you wait. I am so tired of feeling crappy all the time
though. He use to make me so happy and now all I can think
of is the bad things about him. It's hard for me to
concentrate on the good.
I am not even sure sometimes if I really do love him. I
shouldn't be questioning that kind of thing. I should just
know. Is it wrong for me to tell him that I love him when
I am not sure if I do? I don't want to not saying anything
at all when he says I love you because then he will think I
don't and if I do I don't want him to think I don't? Does
that make any since. To me it does I guess. I feel like I
really love him most the time but other times i think to
myself that I can do better and that this relationship is
just a big waste of time. And if i don't love him is there
awa you can make yourself fall back in love with someone
because I REALLY want to be with him.
I just hope that things get better between us soon!
Enough about that though!
Oh so I have to tell you the story about my friend
Aaron. So you know how he is my best friend and all well
before he left for boot camp he came over to my house and
before he left he did a little half on the lips kiss. I
didn't think anything of it though. I don't really think
of him that way and I just figured it was a good bye kiss.
Come to find out I was wrong. So when he gets back he came
over and he kissed me and was telling me how much he likes
me and how he has had a huge crush on me for God knows how
long. It was crazy because I don't think of him like
that. Well, Ricky and I were going out at this point in
time so that was no good. I told him about it though as
soon as I could. See I tell him everything. So it has been
a interesting couple months and I am sure that I could go
on for days but I will write about the the present for now
on unless it all fit together. you know what i mean.
Well, I am going to go I will talk to you guys later!Bye