2004-01-10 08:33:44 (UTC)

kisses i want kisses.

im so tired. i havent been out this late in awhile.

i love rocky. sebastien and i got so drunk. he took his
first shot ever with me. and we went to see my beautiful
sonny but she wasnt there.

matt kept text messaging me through the movie though and i
was like. whatever. hes like "i might say something i
shouldnt if youre drunk" ... and im like oh no ho i dont
need no drama. and then he came and got coffee with us.
and i was like sebastien, i need to tell him. its the
right thing to do. and hes like no, you dont want that
getting back to danelle and then richard and then your
mom. but my mom already knows, shes not stupid. but i

and dawn was like why dont you move to atlanta. cus im sad
that shes leaving in a few days. i'll think about it. but
i dont know. i'll start thinking about it at the end of
the month when she says "i just took the lease to the
office." and then my hardest class so far in college will
become even harder.

someone needs to take all the shit in my head and
straighten it out so its regular and i know what to do.
but its not up to me anymore. i said she can think on it
and i will stay or go. i like poker. and i was betting in
my head things, like "if i win this hand, then this.." and
i won the important ones. im not superstitious though.

i really do love drinking. but she should be here. one
day she will, right. but maybe not.

i hope sebastien was really okay to drive. cus im still a
little loopy actually. love, actually.

i know i will kill myself. someday thats how im going to
die. at least theres no mystery or fear of it. cus i know.

im going to bed. its late and im tired and i have a lot to
do tomorrow. she said i love you too. like i know that, i
think, but i needed to hear it. but she wouldnt come give
me kisses.