Starr3711

Starrgazing
2004-01-09 18:38:02 (UTC)

Mumble Jumble

My niece hooked me up with this free diary site. Way kewl!
Being a writer, I always have so much crap floating around
in my head. I find I am always talking to myself, no, not
always out loud, but I have been known!
So here I sit, ready to scream out all my problems. Where
do I start?
I have been thinking about my good friend Chris and her
marraige woes. I feel bad for, I want her to be strong and
just walk out and then it hit me. Wham right in the head!
Why was I expecting her to be so brazen when I myself am
stuck in a rut so to speak and dont have the nutsack to
walk away either? So I found myself comparing. She doesn't
love her husband, and she has [shhhhhhhhhh] cheated, not
once but twice. I know that once you start cheating there
really is no point. I know because I have been the cheated
on and the cheatee so to speak. Not in my marraige now,
but in a previous one. So I know she really does not love
her husband, and unfortunately I do. My problems seem so
trivial too when I compare them to hers, a husband who is
an alcoholic and mine who is just lazy. Hers who is losing
his shit and getting physical and mine, who well sleeps
all day and bugs me for sex. So it isnt about another
woman, it isnt about him beating me, and for that I am
thankful, so why cant I be happy? I guess it is because I
cant stand how I have to do everything and he sleeps. I
would never lie in bed all day long, especially if my wife
was home schooling four kids, doing laundry, cleaning the
house, mowing the yard when she has asthma and I know it,
and on and on. Those are the things that bother me. Not
one big thing but a bunch of tiny little things that have
esculated into this giant problem. I wake up earlier, I
get the kids up, I teach them school, I cook breakfast,
lunch, dinner, clean the house, take out the trash, mow
the yard, pay the bills, manage the money, work from home
doing online auctions [like half the world probably does]
and while I am doing all these things, my husband is
sleeping till 2 in the afternoon. Gets up, eats what I
cook him, watches TV, plays video games and sleeps more.
If he is awake enough to talk he bugs me for sex. Which at
this point, I resent his laziness so much I cant stand to
be with him. So there it lies and how the hell did we end
up here? Well to be honest, he has never been one to do a
damn thing anyway. When he did mow the yard it was so far
and few between that I started mowing it because I couldnt
see out my windows through the grass! [really it was that
bad] He has never vacuumed a floor or mopped one, has only
once cleaned the bathroom and that was when we first
hooked up and I moved here and refused to clean it, has
started a load of laundry once or twice in the past 5
years.... so he has always been this way, I have just
recently found my voice to bitch about it. And I dont want
to be stuck where I work hard and he does nothing but
watch me and bug me for sex. So how the fuck do I change
that? Right now, as I type, he is asleep in bed behind me,
it is 1:30 in the afternoon, I have taught the kids school
[4 of them] did laundry, cooked and did work on the
computer. This sucks. Isnt there any real men out there
who want to work as hard as their wives do for the sake of
their family? He does not work outside of the house.... he
has an injury from work that has kept him out of work for
4 months. No, before you think aha...... it isnt that bad.
The injury has been okay for a couple months but then
there was some questions to pain caused by nerve damage
that has yet to been seen by a doctor and resolved.
Waiting.... workers comp sucks. Just because he got hurt
doesnt mean he cant help out. Help... not do it all!
Besides when he worked out of the home he still did
nothing but work, eat, sleep, watch tv, and play video
games. Besides you need your mind to help the kids with
school, or something simple like take the trash to the
curb, or pick up your dirty laundry off the fucking floor
and place it in the laundry basket!! That is all I am
asking. Stop sleeping all day and staying up until 4am
playing video games, keeping me awake because I cant sleep
with the damn lights on and the sound of the tv on and him
yelling about his damn game. Why does he do that? Why does
he keep me awake?
Well now that I have bitched......... I'm outta here!




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