FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2004-01-09 17:12:08 (UTC)

Never having the answer

I couldn't sleep last night after I went to bed. I kept
thinking about Jennifer and all the stupid things we used
to do when we were kids. For instance we always used to
talk about the guys we were going to marry and how we were
going to have this fairy tale ending in a not so fairy tale
world.

She always knew who she was going to marry, but she's
always been popular with the boys too. Who she was going
to marry depended on who she was with at the time or if she
was single who was the cutest guy. I never had an answer.
The guys I was with I didn't want to be with or they were
just kind of there passing the time.

I guess I must be weird because I don't see physical
attractiveness as most of the rest of the world does.
Maybe I just don't see the conventional "good looking" as
good looking. My roomate had an Ambercrombie guy on her
computer screen the first couple of weeks we were at
college and she kept drooling over him. I personally don't
see what the big deal was. I get that a lot
though..."What's wrong with you? You don't think he's
cute?" No, I don't.

I watched About Schmidt for the first time last night. It
was a pretty deep movie. I saw a lot of things in there
that I learned from developmental psychology class since it
was mainly dealing with older people. I about choked on my
coke when Kathy Lee Bates was saying that she was very
orgasmic.

I'm all for older people enjoying their life to the
fullest, but I wasn't expecting that line. I thought her
character was brilliantly written. There's a scene where
she gets naked and gets into a hot tub with Jack
Nicholson. Most everyone I know who has seen it is
like "ewww," but I wonder if she had a body double or if
that's really her. It takes guts to do that kind of thing
either way especially since she's not exactly a spring
chicken anymore.

I'm dying to know how Briana's therapy is going. I wonder
if she's liking it better now that she's been in it a
little longer or if it's just a chore for her. Every
doctor works differently so she might still be in
the "getting to know you" stages. I have no idea how often
she has therapy and that makes a difference.

It seems that Jeremy's sister it still pissed at me and
Jeremy's parents think I'm against them. That couldn't be
further from the truth. It's ironic that everyone comes to
me for their problems but I'm not quite sure how to fix my
own. I wonder if that's ironic or typical.

The best advice I've been given so far is something that my
parents told me around kindergarten. Be yourself. I
accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me and
you can't make everyone like you. I accept Jeremy's
sister, mom, and dad for who they are and actually like
them in spite of all of this. I'm hoping after a rocky
beginning we can get past all of this, but it's not looking
too good at the moment.

I did a good deed yesterday. Since my dvd player doesn't
work in my bedroom with the tv/vcr television I decided to
let my parents have the dvd player that's in my room. I'm
usually not home much on the weekends and when I am I'm
studying or being with Jeremy. I can live off of tapes
until I can bring my tv home with the dvd player.

I plugged everything in and got everything set up and
wouldn't you know the damn thing wouldn't work. Dad woke
up this morning and fixed it. Some of the wires on the
back of the dvd player need to be unplugged and plugged
back in again. Now he can watch Married with Children or
whatever movie he wants to anytime he wants instead of
waiting for the big screen tv that has the dvd player.

I'm not ready to go back to college yet. What I need is a
good mental break...an entire month at someplace like the
cabin rather than just a week. It was nice not having any
worries or anyone to bug the shit out of you. I hope I
didn't bug Jeremy too much while we were there...I hope it
was nice, quiet, and relaxing for him too.

I wish I could have an easier load of classes for once. My
roomate could have a lot more free time than what she did
last semester if she wouldn't try to take on some much
volunteer work. I know some of her classes require that
you do so many hours of volunteer work, but she passed that
many times over.

And me...last semester I had an average of around 500 to
1,000 pages to read EVERY NIGHT for my homework. I never
did much real actual work for my classes because it wasn't
required for the most part...just keep up with your reading
so you don't get behind in class. I'm not a slow reader,
but it takes a bit to read that much. It doesn't leave you
much time for doing the things that you'd like to do. If
you take a day to do what you want to do then you get
behind and have even more to do.

Briana's mom, my Aunt Lisa, has said that she'd love for me
to come down and spend the afternoon or night with her. I
have yet to see the twins in person, but I've seen pictures
and they're beautiful babies.

I miss my aunt...a lot. She was a very smart woman who is
down to earth and just makes sense. Elijah and Briana have
both told me bad stories about Anthony which is the guy got
married to after my aunt divorced The Duke. Elijah will
lie to get his sister in trouble, but he usually doesn't
lie about people like that. I'm not sure to trust anything
Briana says, but if Elijah is telling me the same kind of
stuff it must be bad.

Divorce does wacky things to a kid while they're under the
parent's roof. Elijah adores his father but he's living
with his mother so he may just be going along with Briana
and telling lies in order to make his father look good...or
then again he might be telling the truth.

I was so hopeful that when she divorced The Duke that she'd
find a good man who could set the kids straight and turn a
bad situation around. Now it just seems that she traded
one asshole for another.

I don't mean to judge the guy. I don't know him and I've
only met him once and he seemed like a nice guy. He did
strike me as the kind of guy that liked to have control
which sometimes can be a bad thing. As long as my aunt is
happy...which as far as I know she seems to be.

An ode to happiness.




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