Lilady22

Typical Human Psycho
2004-01-09 06:47:43 (UTC)

Death and dying

They say that there is a time in everyones lives that you
can feel the years passing by. That's how I feel now. I
havn't delt with my ghosts or faced my demons. I still
can't find my strengths in all my weaknesses and I just
can't move on. Especially since my grandma died. Death
really became real to me then. I don't ever wanna have to
just move on. And my all time biggest fear is that my
parents are gonna die and I'm gonna have to move on. Here I
am eighteen years old and terrified of losing everyone,
anyone. I don't wanna go through with another loss in my
life. I don't think I could handle it. I don't think that I
could move on one more time.

Someone that I know, killed themselves the day before
yesterday. I don't know why. His wife and son accompanied
him to his mother's house for lunch. He locked hisself in
the bathroom and cut his groin artery with a pair of
scizzors until he bled to death. His son found him. I don't
know all the details, but he had to take the bathroom door
off and see his dad dead. It's amazing how you think you
woulda done so many things different and said so many
things different if you woulda had the chance. Hindsight is
always 20/20. And for some reason I just feel like my mom
is next. I don't wanna miss a single minute with my mom. I
don't wanna see anything happen to her. I know how she
feels about her mom and I feel sorry for her everyday. I
don't wanna have to say that I woulda done a lotta things
different. I just have this awful gut feeling that she's
gonna die. It's been in me for so long. About two years.
I don't have this feeling about my dad though or my sister.

Two years ago another friend of mine hung himself in a dorm
room at college. He was an avid Christian. It was shock.
And two of my best friends that I grew up with from
preschool died in a car wreck. One of them was beheaded and
died immediatly. After announcing paralysis on the other
one, he followed his best friend in death. All these people
are dying and all I can see is people left behind,
grieving, as the rest of the world moves on.




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