purple star

shock and awe

here it is folks the second day in a row that i have
entered in my journal. oooooooo ahhhhhhh. its exciting
right? haha. so this is whats on my mind today:

i feel at a loss sometimes when im discussing certain
issues. for example: ian and emily broke up and i have
been in contact with ian a lot more recently. actually i
dont think we have talked this much since i was in
shippensburg. its nice. but i feel like sometimes when we
are discussing what is going on.... i dont say the right
thing. i hate that. the first day i talked to him about
it, i was on such a high from the night before and being
kissed that i was soooooo distant. and i felt really bad
because i care about him and what happened. but i was so
in the clouds that it was hard to ground myself. i think
ive done a lot better now. he is going through a lot of
things that i went through at a similar time last year.
not necessarily the break up but issues with school. i
wish that i could make him see what he holds in his hands.
its impossible to make people see that though, i dont even
know what i hold in my hands. its much easier looking in
from the outside than seeing it for yourself. im sure that
everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
strength is the most important thing. keep that in mind...
everyone in every situation in your life.

i cant stand not knowing whats going to happen with
garrett. but i guess thats sort of the fun of it right?
tomorrow is friday. i work a double. he works tomorrow
night so i will see him. hopefully we will have some time
to talk one on one when we all go out after they get off
from castlebay. i dont know what i feel for him. its sort
of strange and hard to explain. but its definately a good
thing... i can say that without a doubt. :) well i have a
lot more to say but its 1:30 and i have to work... like i
said... a double tomorrow. goodnight all. love!