It's a crisis that nobody cares about my crisis
you'd think it wouldn't be hard for a soon to be college
grad like myself to find a can of anchovies. see my mom
was making some dinner where anchovies are an intrical
part of the cuisine (we're austrian, so ask no further)
and of course our fridge took a shit-dive and everything
inside was destroyed over-night. so my mom is freakin'
out and i need to get some anchovies as the guests are
coming and that's the only thing she needs, as if the
rinds roladen didn't have enought meat in them already
(for those of you who don't know it's, meat with bacon
inside and apparently also anchovies).
so there i am at the grocery store pandering around
thinking this should be a breeze. after 5 mins of looking
through the canned food aisle i'm starting to freak out.
i mean i really dont' want to have to ask for "anchovies"
cos it just feels stupid. but after another 15 mins of
tearing out my pubic hair, i decided to give in. i went
to the stock guy (cos i know from mike they know where
every god damn thing is), and ask sheepishly, "excuse me,
do you know where the anchovies are?"
he gave me a terrible look and said, "no". now i KNOW
that's bullshit, but i decided to let jeffrey dahmer
continue stocking and not bother the psycho. then i
figured i'd ask one of the banana boobed late 20
somethings who you know are single cos they have all the
single serving frozen food things, and cos they're fucking
ugly, i usually have great luck with beguiling them.
"excuse me, (insert doe-eyed, flirtatious look)do YOOOOUUU
know where i can find anchovies?"
"why don't you ask someone that works here?"
....ouch...word has gotten out that i just use the single
ladies for their ability to navigate through grocery
so nobody fucking cares about my crisis, and i have to
fucking pick up my little bro from school in 2 mins, and i
have no anchovies. finally i curl up into a little ball
the condiments aisle and cry to myself, when a kindly old
lady with caring eyes comes up to me and tells me to get
out of her way. as i tearily look up at her i notice a
halo of light coming from a part of the aisle that
radiates, "disgusting shit that nobody would ever buy" and
there i found the anchovies. actually it was the "canned
meats" part, which apparently is seperate from the regular
canned food.......the way it should be.