Sare

Light
2004-01-08 06:40:45 (UTC)

Depression, you're not the only one


When I looked back at what I wrote in the past I was utterly
shocked. You never realize how you are until looking at it
from a new view. I used to have a huge problem, depression.
It pulled at my every waking movement, giving slight
relief when I was asleep. Still, that pull kept me awake
most of the time. I felt like no one wanted to hear my pain
because when someone ask you "how are ya?" they never really
want to hear a whole life story. They just except "oh I'm
fine." So I felt pretty alone. It took some swallowing of
pride to realize that there are professionals who are
supposed to hear your problems. They won't get mad if you
tell them anything, they WANT to hear your problems. There
was the key difference right there. I didn't tell the lady
how I cut my knees though. The pain hurt so much inside
that I felt the only way to let it out was by physical pain.
Somehow my mind thought that it'd transfer my emotional
pain to physical, and the physical ones are easier to heal.
That was the choice I wanted. So I cut my knees with a
razor every so often which to this day, haunts me. My knees
healed but my heart didn't. Steadily it was growing
stronger with the weekly talks. I could tell I wanted to
get better by how much I talked to her each time, it was
mainly me holding up the one ended conversation. Well, then
as the band season came alone something amazing happened to
me. The old band group I used to hang out with before
depression, said Hi to me. They didn't seem to act like
anything had happened. Each time I saw them we talked more
and more, my old preschool friend and I became close again.
Slowly they started to scoot over and make room for me in
their group. I also strengthened my friendship with a
wonderful individual, Holly. She has to have made the
greatest impact on my recovery from total rock bottom. If
you suffer from depression, I heavily recommend making a
friend who makes you laugh. Everytime we're together we
laugh so much together my stomach aches from the exercise.
We joke around, and have so much in common. All this time
she was right in front of me, the cure to my cancer. You
really aren't alone, no matter how cold you feel. There is
a hand there in the dark, and it reaches for you. There is
laughter that can chase that dark away. Once you have that
friend, have that renewed strength you will wake up and
smile..just smile.

Sare

This is especially dedicated to all those who are suffering
and have suffered the same condition I've had. Please,
don't feel too bold to get professional help. It doesn't
mean you're insane, it means you're smart. We all deserve
to taste what life is really about.




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