psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2004-01-07 22:31:25 (UTC)

whatever.

my dog ate my goo goo dolls shirt.

that pushed me right over the edge of today.

i am so over today. no what am i talking about, i am so
over EVERY FUCKING DAY.

if this is her idea of "getting her shit straight in
january" well i really dont know what the fuck ive been
waiting for. and then. come to colorado with me???? in a
few years???? um. yeah. i'll just sit around feeling like
this for a few YEARS. in the meantime, keep living with
this whore who she doesnt sleep with, isnt in love with,
drives her crazy, while driving herself further and further
into debt and complete financial fuck up until one day she
grows the balls to get herself out of a situation that will
only get harder and harder to get out of. what a fucking
brilliant plan. i thought -i- had a good plan. oh no.
this is clearly the ONLY way to go. she has no choice?
fuck that. ANY choice would be better than that.

god help me, if when im 25, im living with someone in a
situation that i have to kill myself every single day to
afford, i better fucking be in love with her.

this isnt even entirely personal. its very personal to me,
but its not even that. if claudia was doing it i would be
equally as infuriated with the absolute stupidity of it.
SHE NEEDS TO BE IN SCHOOL. she needs to be SAVING money
not going backwards.

but it doesnt matter. who the fuck am i to care, right?
its not my place. and it doesnt matter how upset i get
over it, it makes no difference. but i swear to god, i am
not staying in this town for this anymore. i think i can
make it through six months, i already HAVE. but im not
getting MYSELF stuck here to wait on someone who has her
head this far up her ass and wont even let me help her.

fuck this. fuck this. what does it take, i keep asking
myself. maybe this was it. the extent of what i can
take. im not even going to tell her now. ive been waiting
weeks for a chance to talk to her, even though i know she
doesnt have the balls and i know its going to kill me, i
thought its worth a shot. its a way to help everyone, its
the only way. but fuck it.

i either dont believe her or i dont understand her. and i
dont know which is worse.

.......................
oh no, here comes the sun again. that means another day
without you, my friend. and it hurts me to look into the
mirror at myself, and it hurts even more to have to be with
somebody else. and its so hard to do and so easy to say,
but sometimes you just have to walk away... and i head for
the door...