thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2004-01-06 02:32:37 (UTC)

anti-depressants

So, they're putting me on some happy drugs. I'm really
not sure how i feel about this. I've always been a firm
believer in recovery through self expression and faith.
I've never really believed in chemical inbalances.
But then i realized that i've been expressing myself
through cutting, art, diarying, music, etc. for a very long
time. And i've been depressed for a VERY LONG TIME (i
noticed that it's been four years. Isn't that NUTS?). So,
obviously my little therapy things just aren't working.
So they're putting me on anti-depressants. I'm hopeful
and fearful at the same time. I've grown so accustomed to
depression, i don't remember what it's like to be happy. I
honestly don't. I'm hoping things will be better. But, i'm
so scared that they won't. I'm going to step out of this
little bubble i've created, but what if it's only worse
outside? Then it's too late to go back? I'm scared. Very
scared.
But i trust anita. I really, really like her a LOT.
I had 600 calories today. I'm not sure how i feel about
this. Is it good, or bad? It's good in comparisson to how
much i've been eating lately, but so bad compared to how i
used to be. *sigh* Well, g'day ~thea




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