Lost and Searching
2004-01-05 19:37:10 (UTC)


My grandmother died on january second.........she had been
in the hospital since christmas day, and while she was in
there she tried to prepare everyone for what she knew would
be her last time here on earth..........She was the one
thing in life that was a constant for me......she kept her
house the same way, and the same set schedule and
routine...........she knew about my illness and knew how i
was feeling....and the one thing that she made me promise
was not to follow her when she was gone......taking my life
would be the easy way that i think about it, i
have a million of excuses on why it would be the best way
to go.....and then i remember that she toughed out seven
years of chemo and such so i could go a little longer, and
then i think again, seven years, well hell i have the rest
of my life....i don't think i have the stamina for
that.....its been three years now, and i can't see myself
going through more years of torture...