lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2004-01-05 06:41:51 (UTC)

how to deal

ok, whatever sad, tragic entry was about to follow that one has
been totally glorified by the fact that i just watched a mandy moore
movie...yeah, i know...i'm pathetic. and chris and i talked a million
times about how much hollywood's version of romance totally
screws up the reality of love. i knoooow, ok? but there's
something about watching this bratty girl who doesn't believe that
she can be in a relationship without being hurt absolutely change
her mind about everything...i almost felt like i was watching
myself...i just remember saying the same things to chris...being
equally sure that i was probably just wasting his time...and this
whole summer and fall and christmas totally and entirely caught
me off guard...but i loved it.

i miss so so so many stupid little his thumbs would
kind of twitch when he'd put them on my waist, because he wanted
to tickle me so bad. i miss him pulling back little strands of my hair
while i was in the middle of a boring story. i miss him chucking
candy at my window to wake me up at 3 am. i miss him carrying
me from the car to the house so i wouldn't freeze my feet. i miss
him explaining the matrix movies to me even though he knew i
didn't care. i miss sitting on his lap while we watched homestar
runner cartoons. i miss the million little kisses on my forehead
whenever i'd walk by him. i miss coming into his work and having
him pick me up and spin me around. i miss hearing, "how was
your day, princess?" i miss his emails and cards and roses and
Bible verses and every little thing he'd give me. i miss jones sodas
in his jeep. i miss those really good kisses that only come every
once in a while, but make you want to kick your mom in the face. i
miss the way he'd look at me sometimes...the way he looked at me
when he saw me all dressed up on christmas he
was trying to memorize every inch of me, just in case. i miss him
looking at me like i was beautiful and making me think i was the
only girl he was paying attention to. i miss his hand squeezing
mine when i started freaking out about something...i miss him
knowing how to calm me down.

i don't know. i know i'm stupid, but i miss so so much.