2004-01-04 12:23:23 (UTC)


things have gotten a lot weirder after i read
slaughterhouse 5. and waaay weirder after watching pi
again. and sure to get even weirder after finishing
watching serial experiments: lain again.

i've been able to think deep concepts. but not just
recognize, understand, and know deep concepts, like, take,
existentialism, for example. u can study it all you want,
but u may not ever be able to live it. but ive been living
it. i am so in control of my life. well...... no..... ok,
analogy time.... lemme see.... it's like i was in a
car...... i had no idea what a car was or how it works, but
i survived driving it just by trial and error, but i was
still really shakey on what was going on. now, ive opened
the console and looked behind me, i know a lot more about
whats going on, plus i finally mastered how to drive it, i
know what most of the buttons are for, and how to shift
gears. still, i don't know where im going, how the car
itself works, where to find fuel, or where the fuck im
going, for that matter. but ive gotten the hang of it.
fuck, thats still not a good analogy. ok, i also mastered
the radio, and i know exactly how that works, to a tee.
fuck, these analogies aren't working, here's an actual

ok, the buddhist philosophy's backbone is this: the key to
happiness is to get rid of cravings. now, anybody can
understand that. forget, bad example.....need something
else.... alright, i feel lucky, here's one....

life is what you make of it. everything around you is just
a concept. you can alter what you perceive, and especially
how you react and feel, by altering your mind. change your
mind, and change the world. alright, now there's a shitload
more to that philosophy that i would rant about, but its
4:30, and id like some sleep. anyway, i live that way, its
become my life. ive just been able to comprehend complex
concepts, in ways i never knew i could. years ago, i
thought i could just fine. i thought i knew that concept
fine, but now i know it on a totally higher level. alright,
thats it.