2004-01-03 08:21:29 (UTC)

the opposite sex

i have a problem - commitment. the first step to solving
one's problem is denial, right? well, i've passed that
stage. next step is admitting it, right? that's where i
am. ugh!

troubles with dating just one guy. the more the merrier
does not work in this case. i am trying to figure out
what i want and eliminating what i don't want at the same
time. i don't like to consider myself the player type,
but i guess i am. i've been dating this real cool guy.
(i've also kissed two other guys in the past week.)
though, lately things haven't been the best. we
make 'tentative' plans cus the boy says he never makes
plans and things don't seem to work out. so damn

tonight, he called me up... something had fallen through
and wanted to know if i had plans. it's a friday night -
i had originally made 'tentative' plans with him, but
something legitmate had come up. well, now he was
free. "i'll be over within the hour" he said. i was
thinking ... great, haven't seen him in over a week
(without being super drunk) this will be fun. yah right.
things fall through again. he falls asleep and calls me
five hours later (when he wakes up) to apologize. this
would be okay (i guess) if it were a one-time deal, but
plans have fallen through 3 nights in a row now!

maybe i should do one of his old moves and start always
arranging plan b when making 'tentaive' plans with him.
it's just so damn annoying.

i confronted him about this. he said that he was sorry
over and over again. i explained to him that sorry only
works the first time and that now he needs to show me that
he's sorry. well, he hasn't done that yet. i tried
explaining to him (nicely) about this. i added that i
don't want to change the person that he is, but i see it
as something he could better about himself - not only with
me but with other people as well.

why do we always fall for people that aren't good for us?
at least my taste is improving somewhat. he's educated,
intellectual, not anal, he's caring, and he is hillarious.
he has lots of quirks that make him unique.

people are different. we're not all the same. we cannot
expect that everyone will act or react in the same
manner. though, is this something i should take with a
grain of salt? or is it a sign that something better
awaits me in the roads ahead?

i am beginning to like this guy. crazy. though, is he
worth my effort? i want to say that he is, but i just
don't know. i wonder if he treats his friends like this.

he explained to me tonight that things have been difficult
on his end - losing a job, his financial situation is
tight, and he's unsure about his future. he feels that
it's hard to have a positive outlook on things. i tried
explaining to him that being positive and optimistic will
only have good outcomes sooner in the longrun. though,
everyone doesn't always view things in the same light.