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Tuesday, October 9th, 2001 (150am)
I cannot go to sleep because there is something in my head
that is bothering me. Everything would be fine, if only I
knew that Justin is not a player. A lot of what he talks
about, however, is girls. The night we first kissed, he was
being really rude about Elijah and mentioned Kitty a couple
of times. I cannot believe he already knew so much about
her after dancing with her for one night! It really annoyed
me, but of course, I did not let it show.
I am trying to tell myself that I am worth much more than
to be jealous about a dumb girl, whom I don't even know and
shouldn't care about and a guy that doesn't really belong
in my list, but whom I do care for.
It's so obvious, it's a big physical attraction. If Justin
will not go out with me because I will not have sex with
him, screw him! I will not change my values to satisfy his.
It is very selfish of his side as well.
I should talk to him about it. I am afraid to do so at the
same time maybe because I feel like I am going to lose him
and later miss him. I should be straight forward though,
because I should not tolerate someone, especially a guy,
play me. It can ruin my reputation and my stance as a girl
and a Christian.
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