Timothy

setting the stage

i suppose that in any normal circumstances
i could be seen as a completely boring person
with absolutely no real worth or any drive
whatsoever. however, being that as it may or
may not be, i have a certain skill set, perhaps
skill set isn't the word i am looking for.
but, i seem to engender a type of action that
for the most part, other people simply cannot
and will not accept into thier own lives.

i've often wondered why it is that this, thing,
this highly devolved thing, this ephemeral weight
comes into play so often in my life. it isn't that
i can't avoid it. in fact, as the case is more
often than not, i go out of my way to avoid the
entirely advantageous opportunities as they pass
me by, without a hint of the possible outcomes
affecting me one way or the other.

i have a few select friends who know of penchant
for the art. they have accepted it, and even at
times asked me to help them because of it. and
so, i sit alone in the dark listening to the
sounds of nothing, drinking fake absinthe and
lamenting my existance, wallowing really in this
primordial life i have, chosen?, no, not the right
word. but probably the most apt word of choice at
the present moment.

i think of the paths i have taken, some poorly,
and as of late, very poorly chosen. and then i
draw upon the past actions, and i take myself to
task for them. in the grand scheme of life, i am
the enigma to most people. i can't relate to some
and to others i am complete mystery, and to even
others, i am bore, a loser, a weirdo, a stranger
even to his friends and family. i think of myself
as a rather simple person, somewhate boring, in
that, me and small talk are at odds with one
another, and conversation with me can either be
one of the most boring mundane experiences in ones
life as one is likely to encounter. Or, a madcap
series of misadventures, in which i explain the
nuances and subtlties of the talents i have so
often relied upon for even the smallest things.

i have a few hobbies, which, are, in the barest
sense, humble, of small consequence, and for the
most part, quite cheap. i don't think i spend more
than a couple of hundred a year on some, my biggest
hobby being a movie nut, i simply must see movies
every week, in the theatre, i don't know why. but
if i don't, i start to go through withdrawl. i
get really irratible after two weeks if i haven't seen
at least one.......

this is the new year. i no longer wonder what i
am going to accomplish.

i simply wonder how.

and what the aftermath will be...

simplistic desires, expensive tastes, and a
severe lack of moral compass seem to be the theme
this year....

i had a dream some time ago, i can't quite explain
it, but i have been feeling the tendrils of it's
embrace coil around me, whispering sweet nothings
as though i were dancing to some poiniant darkwave
melody in an empty club, spinning as the world does.

around, and around...

the awakening has started..

i wonder what the world will hold next?

let the first stone be cast...