Mo

The many thoughts of my mind
2004-01-01 07:53:05 (UTC)

not so joyous

Oh yay, happy new year. what a way to bring in the new
year, working until 1:30 in the morning. it's not that i
wanted or needed to be at a party, but i would of rather
been relaxing at home and doing nothing. that's all i have
been wanting to do, nothing. i don't want to be hanging
out with friends and doing stuff with groups of people like
i usually do. you know what, maybe i could make a new
years resolution to just do the things that really make me
happy. because all that i have been doing is done to
please other people. but that it seems had gotten me into
a mess. i have always had guys as friends more than girls,
and i never expected more from them. lately it seems that
some of my friends are liking me as more than a friend. i
don't want to be anything more, not with any of them. i am
not leading them on or anything like that. i have talked
with another friend, a female, that has talked with a
couple of the guys and they say that i am just a very
likable person. she even tells me all the same stuff tehy
say. i done know what to say in response to any of it. i
have never looked at myself to analyze how i come across to
people. AAAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!!! it is so horrible too
because my first thought of action is to ignore all of
them, but then i think that would be way to hurtful and i
would loose some friends. i don't want to hurt anyone.

wow how the holidays can be so depressing. they bring
about feelings and thoughts of some pretty different
things. people change so much at this time. you get to
see a very different side of them. i would have to say
that the best thing about the holidays for me is that i was
able to see family one evening and have it be enjoyable.
then i worked all day christmas, and new years eve. i
don't care about the holidays like everyone else. i have
different feelings about them and what they mean. i really
need to write more, because this is helping to relax so
much. i anyone does read this and you have any tyoe of
advice, please feel free to share you thoughts. i am open
to anything.




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