a girl in a world of loneliness

the one no one knows about
2003-12-31 08:25:33 (UTC)

hate

how is it possible that no matter what you do, I tend to
hate and love you at the same time?...I told you I didn't
want to see you...yet you still came over and I was happy
to see you...how is it that you can make me laugh when
you're here, and make me cry when you're not?...some
people
would say I'm in love with you...I don't believe them...I
know I'm not...because most of the time when you are
around
I hate you with a passion...I don't know where it came
from...or when it appeared...but it's always there...you
can't make it go away...for it is always with me...even
when I sleep...I dream of my hate for you...I dream of
things you are capable of doing to me...I fear you when I
wake...sometimes before I fall into the deep slumber of
bright or gloomy bliss, I believe it is possible for you
to
get me...I'm scared to sleep...for I dread that I will
never wake...that you will get me and keep me from
reality...I know it could never happen...but the horror is
still inside me...I can't get over it...God knows I've
tried many a times...it's as if my life is a living
nightmare...and you are my demon...and everyone else is my
savior...I need and wish to be saved from you...and though
I've tried...I can't escape...there is a barrier in front
of my passageway...and that barrier is you...you've
chained me to the wall...you hurt me in ways I've never
been hurt before...I can't get loose...I'm losing my
mind...I've already lost my heart...but I will not lose my
soul...I am not yours...I will never be yours again...for
as long as we both shall live...




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