Davey Pavey

tears in waves, minds on fire, nights al
2001-10-09 07:00:53 (UTC)

One man's decent into madness

Dear Bobby,

It's been a while, but rest assure I'm not neglecting you.
It's just been a most hellish week for me and I wish to get
back on track. Hellish in what way you ask? Well...

I made it to all my classes last week, which was quite an
accomplishment. Though I find out that i'm pretty much
behind in all of them to the point of no return. My
English teacher likes to give us papers/poetry every day,
god bless him. So i'm pretty much fucked in that class.
So, come Friday, I'm ready to drink my blues away with Gabe
and Nice 'n Honest (aka Lil' Kim), but alas, something at
home pulls me away. So I go home. After things are sorted
out at home, I'm ready to parte` as it were. So come
Saturday night, i'm ready to go out and get wasted. Well,
alas, we go into east lansing after the cold wars to some
crappy party with a bunch of freaks. Granted I went with
Bacardi O in hand, but after drinking half of it, i still
wasn't drunk. We left that party around 2, headed to
poncheros for some burritos, then headed back to our
respective territories. I went to Bryant's, on account of
not having a place to sleep. So i get there, everyone's
asleep, until the phone rings, it's kyle (bryant's sisters
incredibly gorgeous friend who bryant's been obsessed with
since I've known him) She comes over, we end up talking
till about 7 in the morning, and I go to bed, wake up
around 1:30 (about 6.5 hours of sleep, not enough to
sustain life) I leave, go home, call mehul to head back to
Kzoo, and finally leave around 6. Get to Kzoo around 8. I
pretty much vowed to get drunk on Sunday night, despite a
paper I had due on Monday morning. So i drink, and I
write, and I fall asleep. O shit, paper isn't done, can't
turn it in, it's late. So i'm fucked there...20% of my
phil grade down the toilet. Not the best way to get ahead
my friends. So I slept till about 1.30, and went into town
to finish my phil paper (hoping I can still get credit). I
set up shop at the Bernhard Center lab, after about 2
hours, i give up. I just can't write the fucker, my
motivation is out the window. So i go to gab's to get
something to eat at the cafeteria. Ah, got no money for
that. Finally find some money lying in my share account,
which can be atributed to gods good graces. I take it out,
we get dinner. I sit down to eat, there's two girls
ensues. I think Gab knows them, he thinks I do. Finally
they leave (seemed pretty boring anyways) and we get ice
cream and head to Nice 'n honest's room. After about 20
minutes there, we head back home, and I walk home.

My current mind state:

Fear: Doing so poorly in classes that I fear wasting this
semester which would really upset my parents. I mean it is
there money. Am I drinking too much? Do i rely too much
on alchohol to have a good time? Am I eating too much
lately? Am I getting out of shape? Am i taking this
paranoia out on others? Do i spend too much money on
insignifigant things? Do I listen to the smiths too much?
Should I quit my job?

Anxious: I really want this semester to end. I need later
classes, these 9am classes just aren't cutting it. And
what makes it worse is that they are very boring, and long.

Detached: I walk around sometimes with this paranoia
ceeping in my brain. It's almost as if everything's
crushing down on me all at once.

Thankful: For my friends who have been there for me and
have stood behind me when things go bad. I'm appreciative
of what I have, and what I have is great friends and a
crazy ass mindset, which does make things interesting.

Tired: It's the weirdest sensation in the world, it makes
you hate everything, and detaches you from your own
existence and the little niceties that you used to be prone

I think I need to start dating. There's this one girl that
I think I would enjoy dating, but of course, the nay-sayers
in my head go full flux when I even consider acting upon
this impulse. It just seems so primitive to ask a girl out
these days, so awkward. But I'm going to do it...why,
because I refuse to be a prisoner to myself. Kim says it's
a sure thing, which makes me feel better. thanks kim. How
do you ask a girl out these days? Any suggestions?

Thanks go out to:
Kim and Gab for showing concern over my whereabouts this
weekend. It really does show you care, and that's very
much appreciated. Kim, thanks for bringing me those cd's
when I was stranded in the computer lab, you're a savior.
(i don't care what you say, you are nice n honest (:))))

Kim and gab, sorry for missing this weekend. Trust me, I
would have rather stayed here.

Till next time,



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