DDreams

I never wanted a desk job...
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2003-12-28 21:09:53 (UTC)

Back From The Grave?

Good god, I haven't written in here for a YEAR??? Holy
shit.

Lots of things have happened, some things are still the
same. July 25, 2002, I said 'good riddance' to the desk
job. Unfortunatly, this came at a time where I was
actually starting to enjoy it. We had an awesome new
office manager, P - and cold calls were handled by a
different department headed by D. K quit a couple months
before me to move to Arizona, and D recently was fired for
altering his work hours. Everyone in sales (my
department) got along so well, and I was finally feeling
like part of a group those last 3 months I was there.

But I did have bigger and better plans in store, so
leaving wasn't that hard. I had also started working at
the restaurant M cooked at, so we quit there together.
That was a sad affair...made a lot of good friends working
there (a truck-stop restaurant).

In mid-August, we moved to southwestern Idaho - near
Boise. We are renting a house and doing better than ever
before. M got a job before we even moved here, cooking at
a local pub, and I filled out the paperwork to be a
substitute teacher. As of now, M's quitting the pub to be
a sous chef at one of the most expensive places in Boise -
starting pay is 34,000/year plus benefits. WOW - more
money than we've ever had. I am substitute teaching
during the day pretty regularly, and I waitress at night
at the same restaurant as M (again). Life is going well -
things are slow falling into place, but at least it's
progressing, something that wasn't happening in MT.

Only thing that still is nagging at me is our
relationship. I wish I knew where it stood. At least now
he's saying that we WILL get married...it's just a matter
of him actaully doing it, instead of talking about it.
Sheesh, I wish I had the strength to leave him long ago,
but this is by far the strongest relationship I have ever
had. I've been bored by other men - any relationship that
lasted over a year I was guaranteed to start
cheating...with M that's not the case, even after 3
years. We get along so well, can't stand to be apart,
basically, we're best friends. I just don't want to lose
that. My parents are the worst - HOUNDING me to set a
wedding date - all because they're strict Catholics and
feeling that my life is a giant sin. Maybe it is, but
it's what I'm comfortable in.

Only thing that might get a fire under his ass...I might
be pregnant. My period is late by a couple weeks, and I
am petrified that it might mean something. I had run out
of bc pills, and it took FOREVER for planned parenthood to
get my records transferred, so we had to use spermicide
for a while...maybe that didn't work or something? I
don't know, and I'm trying not to think about it, maybe
it's just late because it's my first cycle w/out
pills...but every time I smoke a ciggy, I think, "Is this
harming my baby?" If I don't get a period soon I'll have
to go buy a test...gawd it freaks me out. Mainly for one
reason - there is NO FUCKING way I'd have an abortion.
It's our responsibility to be safe if we want to have sex,
and if a baby is concieved because of that act, then we
need to embrace that.

Anyway, flash to today, nearing the end of 2003 - I'm
spending the holidays with my parents while M holds down
the fort at home. I miss him horribly and can't wait to
go home...just two days from now! Christmas was good, got
a palm pilot from my folks, and a nice stainless-steel
salad spinner from my brothers, along with various other
goofy presents from all...it was nice. But I can't wait
to go home. Right now, though, all that talk of a smoke
has me craving one, and my colon is screaming at me to
take a shit. ;) I don't think anyone ever reads this so
I'll bid myself adeu!

B


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