zoe

Undercover Discoverer
2003-12-27 06:07:20 (UTC)

my fly was down!

i was in the mall today and ohmygosh, the funniest thing
happened to me! i had just tried on clothes in my favorite
store H&M and i was walking around and i kept thinking:
there's a draft. i was already feezing because every store
was cold, but then i looked down and realized that my fly
was down!
ohmygosh! now see, that would normally be embarassing, but
i've done it before (once in front of a guy friend at
marching band practice) and i was also able to "fix" myself
without anyone seeing. although, i did say to myself: oh
great, wouldn't it be funny if the security cameras picked
up a girl who was zipping up her pants?!
that was the excitement of my day.
moving on....
i just watched a movie called sixteen candles. i missed
the beginning of it, but i saw enough to fall in love with
the movie. the senario is that a girl turns 16 and her
parents forget her birthday and she's crazy about a guy 2
years older than her. well, at the end of the movie, the
most romantic thing happens. the guy she liked had been
chasing her at a dance the night before and then had a party
because his parents were out of town. his girlfriend got
drunk, had sex with a freshman and then the girl he was
chasing had a wedding to attend the next day, so when he
finally went to her house, she wasn't there. the chinese
exchange student who the family took in told the guy where
she was, and he went to the wedding.
well, i'm such a sap for the ending....... the girl is the
last one out of the church and everyone drives off in their
cars, and as she's standing in the doorway of the church,
the cars leave and the guy is the last one there leaning
against his car, and she looks up and......you can guess the
rest. the scene after that is the best one though. yeah, i
know, the movie was made in 1984, but hey, that was a good
year!
i guess the reason i like the movie so much is because the
character's exactly like me. she's lonely and when she gives
up on something, it comes to her. although, in my life,
nothing ever comes to me when i give up. the actress
actually is someone i've always admired. molly ringwald.
she's a redhead, power to them! the similarities in her
character's life and my life are pretty close, except for
the fact that i never get the guy, but i guess i'll keep
hoping one day i will.....
i was shopping today and i realized that the mall is where
i fit in. i mean, if you gave me $1 million, i'd go on a
shopping spree. if i ever have extra money and have a car,
i'll always be shopping. the only part i don't like about
ahopping is that people get what they don't need. i got a
few shirts, a bag, a pair of shoes and an ovarian cancer pin
that donated to the ovarian cancer fund. i needed those
things. i didn't really need clothes or a bag, but it was
something that came very close to needing. when i define
needing, it's something that keeps me where i am, keeps me
warm and safe and structured. i don't need a cute little
purse or jewlery or cd's, i need the necesities.
actually, i was thinking today how much i spend a year on
clothes. probably about $200, and that includes gift
certificates from family at christmas or my birthday. i
don't really spend money, and now i don't have a job so i
have no money at all. i'm going to have to keep selling
scarves......ahhhhh!!!!
speaking of JOB, did i ever tell you what happened? ok,
christmas eve, i went over to the runway cafe, on lambert
road, it's owned by my aunt and i worked for her. well, i
started working there when i was 13 and i was just recently
"not needed" because my cousin and sister took over my job,
and they "get senority". well, the christmas party that was
held was a complete dissapointment for me. in fact, i felt
stupid for being there. i showed up, and i got a $30 gift
certificate to FYE and my sister got $50 and expensive
earings. ok, i know it was a really good gift, but i felt
stupid watching my sister get more than me, and she i know
has 2 jobs at the runway (it's a long story) but i was
reliable to work when my sister and cousin weren't. most of
the time, i worked both saturday and sunday instead of just
1 day. the fact that i was thought of last sort of killed my
spirit. i watched as everyone i worked with laughed and had
a good time, and i was sitting in the corner thinking about
how my christmas spirit died. i was happy to even be thought
of, yes, but there was something about my gift that said
"pitty gift" all over it.
and whenever my aunt was in a bind, she would always call
me down and i would reluctantly wash her dishes for her so
everyone could eat, and i would get paid, but it was always
taken for granted. it's like i'll always be here, always be
working if my sister or cousin can't. that's not pitty work,
pitty isn't the word. it's as if she only calls me down
whenever they NEED someone and no one else can come down.
i'm always the last string. and you know what, i HATE that.
hate it. in fact, after is topped working there, i realized
all it is is quick money and i really don't want to work
there. i like the atmosphere of the people, but i hated
washing dishes and hearing the gossip of blairstown from my
aunt. she's a huge gossiper, mostly good though. but i
realized i only like the atmosphere of the customers. they
were happy and nice and generous.
but now i just don't want to work there anymore. what's
the point of working somewhere if you know that it's just
because everyone else higher up on the totem pole couldn't
come in? yeah, that's what pisses me off.
i was thinking that i don't think i ever liked the guy i
liked. i probably did when i first met him, but after asking
myself one question, i answered everything.
do you want to know what that question was? do you want to
know the answers? well, you'll have to read my next
entry...... ahaha.......




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