Macaroni

I Love you, I Hate you
2003-12-24 04:05:10 (UTC)

December 23,2003

I know its been a long time since i have written. A lots
been going on. Well i am on christmas break now. Thank
God. I dont think i could have taken another couple of
days! School has really become a bitch. My mom has risen a
crusade against my chemistry teacher, which means that she
will take it out on me Monday. I cant wait! This sucks.
Christmas eve is tomarrow!YEY I love christmas. Its so
happy and colorful and cheerful! I wish every time of the
year had so much happieness. Everyone would love life
more. Or maybe it wouldnt be special anymore. Oh well, i
myself and going to make an effort to make my life more
happy and colorful all the time. Ohhhh i can put up
christmas lights in my room and have year round cheer!
fun, i cant wait. Matt got me a really nice present for
christmas. I feel kinda bad, i wish h just got me little
cute meaningful things instead. I dont deserve a nice
present. I feel really bad. I love matt, but i treat him
bad, and i shouldnt. I have him whipped. Or maybe he just
loves me so much he does what i want to make me happy. I
love him too, but i am kinda mean sometimes. But the thing
is if i start to be like that you have to stand up to me,
cause if you dont i will keep being mean. But he wont tell
me i am being bratty. I wish i could just love him and it
be perfect. I wish that everything was like in the movies.
I wish you could find love that way and feel that buterfly
happieness constantly. I cant decide if happy movies are
really good or really bad. They are bad because they make
people like me see how great love should be and then
become discouraged, because life never turns out that
perfect and good and happy. It is good because they always
make you happy inside and give you hope of that perfect
happieness. but then again you get dissappointed if you
dont get it. Oh well whatever.
My friends suck. well i have 3 different groups of
friends. here will be their names- the 1. KTO crowd, 2.
Oana crowd 3. ATL crowd. crowd number one (KTO's) really
are the true suckers. I used to hang out with them because
they were the group that likes everyone. They arnt super
popular, they arnt scary punk rockers, they arnt losers.
It was good and fun. But recently They have come to be
bitches. Just because i have a friend in another crowd,
and aboyfriend they have somewha disowned me. Its B.S. Oh
well whatever one day i will come out on top of all the
mean people. The Oana crowd has been cool latly, but i
think that might be because Niway is out of town. Oana
always hangs out with me when niway is gone and vise
virsa, but i am thinking that when niway comes back we
wont be so buddy buddy. I like niway a lot. she is really
cool, but i kinda wish she would stay in the philippeans.
Only because she seems to cause problems with me and the
rest of the group. Oana gets me alot better than the KTO
crowd. The KTO crowd is kinda clean in every way! Atleast
the oana crowd isnt totally goody tooshoes. Anyway the ATL
crowd is fucked up crazy. Everyone there causes drama, its
like they were raised to create drama EVERY WHERE! Judson,
whom i love dearly is one of my best friends but damn it,
he cant go or do anything with out being high first. It
drives me crazy. Cant he just be content with being
himself for a little while?! It kinda gets to me, cause i
cant hang out with him, with out him wanting to smoke!
Neill was an ass to me when we dated, but now he regrets
it and appoligizes to me about it, and basically misses
our random make out sessions. Its kinda annoying because
he is super flirty, and so am i, but its different when
you know his hidden agenda. Its kinda sick actually.
Valecia is the worst of all! I used to love her dearly
too. She used to be my best friend. We were always
together having a lot of fun. But then she turned into
someone who spreds rumors and lies and starts drama with
people and parents and church memebers. It kinda sucks,
cause i dont want to be dragged into that shit. I was the
good girl involved in all this drama and always got in
trouble. Then Val just picked up and left for nashville.
What the hell she barely said goodbye. but she does manage
to tell us that there is nothing good for her to stay
here. gee thanks Val glad to know i ment nothing to you!
Then she comes back and expects everyone to drop
everything and flock to her, and when we dont she gets
mad. That bull shit. I am not going to flock to someone
who doesnt give a flying fuck about me. People have begun
to found out how much of a lier she is and she had to run
to a different city. She has insecurity problems. She
makes up stories about her life, or inhances stories about
her life to make it sound spectacular to everyone.
Sometimes the stories are so rediculous that its obvious.
And sometimes she says that she is friends with certain
music stars, then we will meet them and they wont remember
her name. Its kinda sad i feel sorry for her. and Jenna, I
feel really bad for her. No one likes her. She is really
annoying and kinda chubby, so they call her fat and stuff
behind her back. she also has a bad habbit of lying about
stuff. like her dad used to beat her, and she would beat
herself to have bruises. It was kinda crazy. I am glad i
am away from that shit. It was too messy for me.




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