Andrea

Heres a letter for you, but the words ge
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2003-12-23 23:30:43 (UTC)

It's not really what I had imagined it all to be

I'm so sorry
I just don't feel it anymore
It's like looking into a great ocean and seeing all the
wonderful things...
Do you see the emerald green waters?
And the crabs scuttering by?
Its like looking into the most beautiful sunset...
Do you see the bright oranges and blazing reds?
and seeing
and feeling
...nothing...
I am nothing
It's not really what I had wished to become,
It's not really what I had dreamed of when I was a little
girl...
sitting on Daddy's lap and thinking about white wedding
dresses;
and lilys with dandylions..
tell me, oh do tell me
What you feel when you look into the mirror,
upon your own reflection....
do you see yourself?
and all yours dreams
all your hopes
and your wishes
everything that makes you?
Tell me what you see when you look into that piece of
polished steel...
Do you see your father's eyes?
your mother's strong nose?
I see--
I see...nothing...
it's not really what I had in mind for all of this...
it's not really what I had imagined it all to be.
I feel nothing
I look into the mirror and I don't really see myself
anymore
can you tell me ( tell me ) what has went wrong?
Where have my dreams went?
Who snatched my wispy thoughts?
and carried them away in their brown patent suitecase.
My own reflection fades and here I am again ( just me )
standing in front of this mirror...seeing a lot of nothing.
Sure, I see a face with the clearest pale blue eyes...set
in stone.
They are my mother's eyes
and my own nose
my full stern lips from my father
a gift bestowed on me from both of them...
But this is not me.
I see a face and feautures that are supposidly mine.
I see the peices of the puzzle so clearly now...
I see the snowglobe from the outside
I see everything as it should never be seen.
And I??
well i am unchanged
and I stare at my own unfirmiliar relfection
expecting it to move on it's own...because...
why not?
it is surely not mine and I am not controlling it.
But I am sorely dissapointed when it dosn't.
And here I am left to be on my own...as always
I never really thought of it like this
This thing that has become of me....become my life
I suppose I never really had much of a life to begin
with...
I feel nothing
I feel nothing towards anybody anymore..
Sort of like being numbed from a shot in the mouth of
novicane,
hurts for moment...
then you come to your senses
you feel....(feel)
Invincible.
and why shouldn't I?
I feel like I could go up to everyone right in their beady
eyes
And tell them
tell them what?
I'm not sure yet.
But I...am nothing.
And that (to me)
is the best thing you could possibly be.


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