heatherrrrrrrr

ching-ching!!!!
2003-12-23 23:13:53 (UTC)

my lifes getting worst

i went to my psychologist today, i talked to her about shit
thats been goin on and she brought up a few points. and i
realized, that if that whole evan thing never happened, i
would still have my dignity, the love of my life, and my
job. im never talking to him again. he ruined my whole
fucking life. my psychologist thinks that when i got
switched onto my ambien, it fucked up the other medicines
which made me not my normal self which would explain
everything, and for a really stupid reason, i believe its
true. i just wish i could prove it. it hurts so bad,
especially when someone u really love leaves you in the
middle of it, thats harsh. i would do anything to get my
life the way it was again. i would do ANYTHING. i dont
think vin understands that i would take a bullet for him.
he prolly doesnt even care, but he should. i know deep down
inside he still loves me, i just wish i knew what hes
thinking. im crying right now just thinking about how
fucked up my life is. i cant see why i dont kill myself. i
guess because i dont run from things, but it hurts. now my
dads in the hospital and he might need surgery and shit but
they cant put him to sleep normally. he has some sleeping
disorder thing where he doesnt breathe normally. so if they
put him to sleep, he has a chance of dying. nothing ever
goes right for me. i just wish that some murderist comes
and kills me so i dont have to deal with this shit anymore.
y do people like to hurt me? i know i can have fuckin
attitude but i can also be really nice. when i buy
presents, i buy expensive ass presents and shit, i dont
know why but people walk all over me. but me and miranda
were talking about how we cry all the time. both of our
main points is guys, i swear i should turn lesbian. but
then ill have to deal with family issues. but yea, i wish
people understand that i dont mean to hurt them, but i
guess thats how you find out who your true friends are.




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