2003-12-22 09:39:13 (UTC)

Long Day

but I feel like I let my heart bleed out to an
unresponsive audience tonight.

I laid it all out, told all, exposed all of myself, told
the total truth.

I simply don't matter enough, and now I am basically told
that if I say goodbye that it will be my fault - as if I
wasn't carrying enough.

I'm doomed either way, so remind me of the point.

How could that not depress me?
I don't want to feel like this, all useless and worthless -
AND solely responsible if I don't want to continue to
take being useless and worthless.

I will think it over
Heart strings are attched - that is all that could make me
hold on, but it is also the only reason I need to let go...

Ration says say goodbye forever. It will hurt like hell,
but it will be over sooner. But I know it's never going
to fully heal either. Hope says hold on, but hope is so
thin it could be a mirage - I'm a mirage.

Why do people love to fuck with my head?
Am I entertaining torture?

Why talk me out of saying goodbye if you don't want me?

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