Crazy What You Could've Had
The World Won't Listen
I know there's only a couple of people who read my diary,
and they talk to me about it anyway, so I don't need to do
anything too spectacular, I can describe my life honestly,
and then they get a better understanding of who I am. I'd
recommend doing this to anyone who is struggling to get to
know me, as I find it a lot more easy to express things
written than spoken. Always have, that's why I'd pursue me
as an e-mail correspondant and why I was so upset to ruin
a friendship over such a medium. It was a double whammy,
really. Felt like a slur on both me and the words I'd
used, and I chose them so carefully.
"Some things aren't meant to be" as the line of a song I
heard this week went. Don't know which song. Let me know
if you do. You'll have to have the right song, though,
because if you give me the wrong one I'll laugh at you.
So what have I been up to outside my mind, which is
closing down...sort of shutting up shop for a few hours or
I'll burst into tears. (I'm tired, and I feel quite
lonely, and I'm listening to Ode To My Family by The
Cranberries, which never helps) Its Christmas, and I'm
spending mine tagging along with other people, just
grabbing onto the coat tails of what they'll be doing. Do
I like that? A bit...but not a lot. I'd like to do my own,
and next year I'll make sure I do. Its important. I can't
wait until I can get excited with kids about Christmas -
both teaching and children of my own. A lot of the magic
has gone for people like me.
I can't afford any real decorations, so our house looks
distinctly un-festive, I'm working up to Christmas Eve, so
the rush of the moment doesn't affect me, all I get is a
little annoyed by the people in the street, by the people
in WHSmiths, how everything sort of stops for a fortnight
so people can buy things they don't really need.
If there's one thing I can be relied upon, its a Christmas
list of things that I'll need for the next year. And this
year is no exception.
Of course tomorrow I've got the CBBC Sleeping Beauty, with
a genuine beauty (The lovely Fearne) feigning sleep. I
can't wait really. In fact I need to get to work early so
I can be back in time for it.
I'm off then.
WILT? U2 - The Hands That Built America