Dark Angel

Eternal Damnation: My Bleeding Soul
2003-12-19 16:18:09 (UTC)

Much Like Suffocating...

Wednesday was the most horrible day of my life. I was in
nothing short of hell. I went to work, though I wasn't
supposed to, and I was there with Mike and Jess and that
was bad enough but then Joe and Ashley came in and sat back
by where I was working. I mean, what do I have to do to
sustain my sanity? Die? I wish I could because I don't
think I can take much more of it. I cut myself again. I
felt sort of numb afterwards. Last night, I did get to vent
my anger and scream and present to my only real friend my
pain and insanity. I am also really angry with Becky and
Eric. When I was leaving work on Wednesday, they were going
to show me a picture of me and Antowon but they said,"Here,
I have a picture you'd like to see," and it was a picture
of Mike and Jess. Now, if they were my real friends, would
they do something like that knowing that it would hurt me?
Put two and two together and you come to the conclusion
that no matter how nice you are or what you may do for them
because you are THEIR friend, they are not yours. I swear,
it sucks to not be able to trust anyone now a days. I mean,
I can barely trust my own mother and I trusted my friends
more than that. Everyone says,"You need to deal with this
in a healty way." I don't fucking know a healthy way to
deal with this fucking shit. I want to die so much but I
don't have the nerve to go. Someone told me the only reason
I was alive was that my spirit hadn't been broken yet.
Well, I am heading for the breaking point and there are no
stops on the way...




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