once again
2003-12-19 04:37:15 (UTC)

it must be the pills

I started crying on the phone today with Ace. He never did
his breaks yesterday but was too busy to call me. I don't
know how that happens. But so I am sick now and I had to
spend almost all my car payment money on prescriptions so
now I"m screwed again. That's what did it. Well actually
when he said I might not talk to him tomorrow is what did
it. We were supposed to goto this thing he got free
tickets for but I can't get off work and I might not be out
in time so I"m shit out of luck. And that's what did it
and then I told him that i worked all weeked and he said we
woudn't be able to see each other until next week and then
I toldhim I'd take my early cut on saturday so I could see
him. If I do that I could be loosing alot of money that I
really need. So, I don't htink I can do it. I want to see
Ace so badly to get a hug and a kiss but I can't not work
becuase of him. I don't want him to work such long hours
that he does but I don't ask him to leave at 5 to spend
time with me. I miss him right now. I miss him all the
time. I hate it. But he says he misses me back. He tells
me he misses me and I just say the mee too. I don't know.
I don't know if I like him for the security of having some
one there or what. I think I just said that becuase his
best friend is hot and really built and sometimes I'm
horrible and I think to myself if only Ace looked like
that. If only I could have a guy that looked that hot.
But that's so horribly mean of me. Ace is one the best
things to ever come into my likfe if not the best and I
always think the worst of him only becuase I don't know how
else to think. I feel like a peice of shit in this
relationship, like I shouldn't be with him. I don't know.
I'm having crying fits now. I can't go tell my sister,
mike will say something smartassy like things aren't that
bad. She told me this would't happen and it is. I don't
understand why. But I want it to end.