Angel

Big, Fat Faliure

I failed on my ex.fac exam. It was a eather fail or not
fail exam and I failed. I was so sad, and alone. My friends
are verry bussy with exams and tests now, my family didnt
say much eather. I know thats bacause Im so independet, Ive
always done well or okey, Ive never needed help form them,
so they thought I wouldnt be needing any support eather.
But all this things was okey, my biggest dissapointment was
Tommy.

I found out at 6 AM I had filed, and the same afthernoon I
was at his place and I told him. Karoline was there to, so
he said lets talk about it later. I was okey with that.
But he didnt really bring it up, all he said ws, so you
failed hah?
We had this thiny little fight that night, about nothing.
He was tired and went to bed (bedroom and livingroom is the
same room) I watched tv, and then went to the bathroom. I
could not belive I had fail. It should be verry hard to
fail this kinds of exams I thought, I must be verry stupid.
I cryed for about one hour, Im sure Tommy must have heard
me, but he diddnt come to comfort me.
Then I went to bed (small bed) still crying, I started to
cry more and more and then my entire body started shaking!!
Tommy asked what was wrong?
What do you think is wrong I answerd him.
Is it bacuse what I said to you? (in the fight)
No
I just cryed and cryed and my body was stil shaking.
"Its not like its war in our counry" he said. Can you
belive that!!
No its worse (Im not afraid there`s gonna be a war here,
and bacuse of my father it it starts a war here, we can
move so some other countrys, since he have a other
membership)
"You sound like someone in your family had died" Tommy said
than. I told him that that might not be so bad for me
afther all (long story, I tell you later)But he didnt
belive it.

Then he went up from bed, he could not fall asleep the way
I was crying so loud and my body shaking.
I was so scared, feelt so alone. Normally I would have
runned ober to Samuel in there cases, but he`s gone. I dont
know what to do. I havent been all alone since I was 10
years old. There were no one to hold me, no one to tell me
Im gonna be allright and no one to confort me.
My own boyfriend was a stranger for me. And all my dreams
for the furure was broken.
This is what I have been living for the last few years. And
I failed one of the simplest exams. How would it go with
the difficult once then?
I was so sad and depressed that I just wanted to die.

Afther a long time with crying I did my best to stop and
went to the bathroom to pick up Tommy. He was absolutley
fine, thats more than you can say about me.
We had a long talk, as normal it was me who started it. It
the whole thing ended with me comforting him instead!!
He feels that I have so high expertations and demands.
Is that so??
Is it to much to ask for that my boyfriend would understand
that my heart is broken right now and that I needed someone
to hold me and love me?
I know I have a lot of to high expertations, but with this
issue I dont think so.

I had to get on my feet all alone. Im not allright but Im
doing better. I will be fine agen, I just have to learn how
to deal with this, and it would be much easyer if someone
actually understood what I was going trough and cared about
it.

Love Angel