nicolae88

Nick's Little Black (Online) Book
2003-12-14 01:21:12 (UTC)

Saturday 12/13/03-Not so typical kmart saturday...

So I woke this morning after amazingly...6 hours of sleep.
Yes 1-7 nonstop. That probably doubles the last three
nights combined worth of sleep. God I hate colds. But I
also realized I could breath through my nose again today.
Hooraay...so I was excited to go to work and try this
foreign experience out. haha

So work started slow. Real Slow. There werent many of the
usual idiots that come so early in the morning. I dont
understand early morning shoppers. They worked their asses
off all week to get up so early and go blow their paycheck
to and i quote this from probably 15 customers so
far "satisfy the mongrels." I hate children. IF I ever
have kids Im not gonna get up early to get a freaking
SpongeBob Squarepants. I'll get up when I feel like it and
if little Nicky doesnt get his Spongebob because Big Nicky
wanted to sleep, tough luck kid, if you like SpongeBob your
not my son anyway...

But anyway back to work. All of a sudden...out of
nowhere...the damn store went CRAZY! People everywhere!
Took us completely offgaurd...you know that happens when
about nine different people frantically scream "CODE C
CHECKOUTS, CODE C CHECKOUTS." Ok so maybe that was a
little exaggeration, but we got busy real quick. It was
bad, carts were a bitch, and I was pissed cause I was
working with the weird kid James. The kid just... FUCK I
cant stand him. No one bitches to me about the way I work
except for Dave who can't understand why i work so hard
(more on that later). But James...o James... why do you
come up to me and go "quit slacking and get to work" youve
been here 3/12 months less than me, you dont order me
around. And when i answer " Just what are you doing" you
tell me back. "Walking around avoiding Terry and helping
people...i have no project right now." O my lord...ill
give you a project of trying to get my hands off your neck
you retard.(I have to stop before i break my computer on
this one)

Ok so lets talk customers.
Customer number 1: Y'all got any of dat...uuuummm...you
know tree baggin thang."
ME: I dont believe we have a "tree baggin thing."
C1: Aww yea y'all do hunny...we need it her for our tree
wes gonna get. The pine(think of it pronounced as pie with
an n on it)needles just get all ova da house and we spill
the water all ova too. I told her to go look a few isles
down.
Folks, Kmart doesnt sell real trees.

Customer number 2 was looking for some stupid toy
to "satisfy the demons"(HEy we moved up from mongrels!). I
dont really remember what it was...some sorta action figure
set I never had heard of. I looked around for it but didnt
find it and came back and told her nicely that we
definately didnt have that toy.
She replied: Yes you do! I know you have it! Look Harder!
TO which I replied: "Ma'am I just searched the entire isle
of figures for it we dont have it.
And to which she replied :Get your manager because your
losing my business and I want them to know who did it.
I said: "Okay!"
Then definately walked to whatever I was doing before she
decided to so rudely interrupt. I wonder how long she
stood there until she realized that nobody was coming...

Customers think that because they say "your losing my
business" were supposed to kiss their ass. Umm....No.
Actually we dont care if we lose your business. Hey the
average IQ of our customers goes up when we get one of
these people who believe in customer ass kissing. That
helps us even more! Really people if you think "Your losing
my business" gets you anything you are dumb and wed really
rather not have you in our store.

One of the toughest jobs at Kmart is the foreign
customers.
You cannot understand them. Im sorry ma'am i dont know
where the "humjaslug olkahklayg aouranh" is. We dont sell
those at Kmart. An Indian women came up to me and asked if
we had any what sounded like "Vinidian Juyookers." I,
nicely replied, "Come again." After hearing it again, I
said. You want a "Veridian Hooker?" She replied,
frustratedly i might add, "No no no." She took ten minutes
to get me to even understand her. She was looking for an
Indian Cooker. So I took her to the "cookers" hoping shed
just see it and not have me look for it. O and she asked
Larry cause he was standing there. Poor Larry...he looked
right at me with a dumbfounded face and said "What??" I
explained. He pointed her down the isle. We got out quick.

O and kids are stupid. I can't count how many times a
little kid comes up, well maybe 11 or 12, you know right at
the time where they best thing they need is for someone to
jack them in the face(Im sure I was this way 5 years ago,
but i had my reasons...). So anyway they all want to know
about the paintball guns and stuff. Want to touch them and
then they see the BB pistols. Now we split into two
different categories. The dumb and the dumber. The dumb
punk-ass kid goes "DUDE HOLY SHIT MAN(emphasis on shit
because you know as well as I do they are in that prime
time to learn those words)FUCKING SWEET MAN. THEY HAVE
AIRSOFT GUNS HERE!!! These kids are plain dumb. Guys not
ever BB gun is an Airsoft Gun. Airsoft Guns are literally
real life guns with useless BB firing mechanisms rather
than what you need, a real firing mechanism made for 9mm
hollopoints....
The dumber punk-ass kid goes: "OOOOO whats that?!?!. That,
I say is a BB pistol. And the kid immediately follows up,
not even hearing what i said with, OMG dude, do you sell
Airsoft Guns here???"
O YEA YEA WE DO Kmart would sell nearly real guns. What do
you think little one? You think we would sell nearly real
guns to the braindead customers we have. Yea right. I
always respond with a laugh and a "No we dont sell Airsoft
Guns here." and some gimme the old "awww why not?" Kid
come on, they are serious BB and pellet weapons. You dont
find that stuff at Kmart(or any other retail store for that
matter). You get Brass Eagle and Crosman repeaters and
pellet rifles that are easily distinguished and
nonexpensive. You get Airsoft and other nearly real life
weapons off the internet or from secret dealers on street
corners. DUH kids are dumb.

Some guy asked me the other day were we kept diapers. I
told him the infants department. He said no, i need adult
diapers...i couldnt help but laugh...but i feel bad about
it now...


i really need to get off of aim speak and capitalize my I's
and stuff so it doesnt look like i went to Deer Park
schools...


People at work thought I was from Reading. I replied that
i was from the better and classier town of Deer Park. They
were rolling. But then i told them that yes indeed i lived
in Sycamore Township part of Deer Park. They shut up.

Im debating whether or not to put the big story of the day
up on here or not. While it is good and
interesting...almost too much background info is needed for
the reader to get a full understanding. Lets just say that
I survived THE smile today, you know that one from a pretty
girl that weakens your knees and nearly seduces you right
there. Yea I batted that shit away. Maybe not too smart
but ill live.(and i definately wont die of STDs because of
it)

Im gonna finish this post up because I want to make another
devoted to something I hate that I saw today. Basically
work ended pretty fun with screwing around getting carts in
the snow. I had ten minutes to kill and the ground was
only semi-slick so i thought wtf. The ride home, the first
time driving the cavalier in the snow, was a blast. I hit
the backroads and went nuts. Wheelspinning fun. I didnt
get to the point of nearly crashing yet, but my final right
turn onto my street could be considered pretty crappy
drifting. Hey I tried.

So this one is over. Later

""Just because I deal with you doesn't mean that I like
you." You call yourselves "customers", I call you "idiots".
-Black Echo





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