Nick's Journal
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2003-12-13 19:37:58 (UTC)

I don't know how sorry to feel for myself

so exams are here and i'm fretting. studying stupid shit
that is just gonna fuck me in the ass anyhow. you know
those exams that hold a sentence in your textbook ransom
for two of your points? that's why this stupid
qualitative system makes me mad, but how else do we
succumb to the merits of......well merit? if we weren't
ranked we'd be nobody in our capitalistic society.
competition is the mother of innovation not necessity.
anyhow, i just dont' know how sorry to feel for myself. i
mean i have all these fucking exams and my birthday is
tomorrow (with a sat. night pre-party). i am in pretty
bad i study or lose my mind? hmmmm.
either way i feel bad for myself cos these teachers in the
good ole' fourth year are out to screw you. but it really
doesn't matter too much as long as you MEMORIZE EVERY
FUCKING LINE OF YOUR TEXTBOOK!!! haha, i'm on to them...oh
wait that's nto learning. that's not practicality, that's
regurgitation of the seemingly irrelevant orders of your
superior......oh welcome to the "real world" i.e. career
for life!
i have no problem with objectivism, in fact i admire it.
it is just that when objectivity is governed by subjective
dispositions (as they ultimately have to be) that i am
annoyed by my tests. who is to say that question # 5 that
i deem frivolous is actually essential? well i guess the
lot of education is a method of succumbing to knowledge.
we all believe that knowledge is at our feet, easy to
dispose by a very whim onto an unsuspecting person, when
in all actually we are shackled by the very knowledge that
we hold as "real". we determine our reality by what we
learn, we shape "our" world (ironically enough) by what
OTHERS dictate. sure we can be innovators, entrepeneurs,
but in my opinion those "motivated" people are merely just
better bullshitters than we are. the means of production
and it's efficiency is not the bullshit that they
contrive, but merely the fabrication that we need what
they innovate (bill gates and windows). do we really need
it? no. could we find substitutes? yes. do we? there we have an innovator.
anyhow, i guess i can't feel to sorry for myself i mean
i'm not LOSING anything, which i guess is the definition
of loss. unless of course you count my loss of autonomy
for the axioms of our society.