Confessions of a Confused Mind
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2003-12-12 19:22:33 (UTC)

Day 2

Well this is two days in a row. Don't count on an entry
everyday. I don't think I'm capable of it. I love this
thing. I've always wanted to write. Someday you'll be
reading my book. But we all lose interest, eventually so
will I.

I always hated the holidays. Actually I love the holidays,
I hate what it does to people. The true meaning is lost.
It's too damn commercial. People don't believe in the true
spirit of togetherness, instead they feel they must fake
it. Why fake it? It's pointless. I hate to be rude. I
hate to hate. If I don't like you, however, I'm not going
to pretend to, just to make things go smoother for a couple
of weeks. It doesn't change anything. In a few weeks,
it's all the same again. So why fake it?

I hate being fake. I look at the people around me, and
they live in lives of lies. They stretch the truth the
very end. Stretch things to make themselves feel better
about themselves, because they believe we think better of
them for it. They get so caught and twisted in their lies,
that not even they can tell the difference of whats real or
not. They actually convince themselves they who they built
up. Then it all crashes on them. You can't live in lies
your whole life. It's all got to end sometime. You get so
tangled in your stories, you trip and fall. You start to
contradict what you've said in the past. People turn their
backs to you. You get sad. Yet still, you don't learn,
and you start building your fake life up agian. It's the
cycle of our pathetic lives.

My goal in life is to break that cycle. To escape. To be
true to myself. In life it's all about yourself. I don't
care who you are, what you say, or what you believe; your
in life for yourself, and yourself only. It's human
nature. I live like that, we all live like that. There is
no such thing as a selfless act. Anything and everything
you do has a self reward. We're all selfish. Only those
who are true to themselves can admit it; those who can't be

"I've always wanted to fly. I've always wanted to live
like a hawk. I know your not supposed to be jealous of
anything, but, to take flight, to soar above everything and
everyone, now thats living. But a hawk is no good around
normal birds. It can't fit in. Even though all the other
birds probably want to be hawks, they hate him for what
they can't be- proud, powerful, determined, dark. And one
of these days, everyones going to pay attention to me.
Because I'm going to fly too..."

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