MYSTICAL

Rotten Bananas
2003-12-12 15:26:19 (UTC)

No Pain, No Gain

Ok, I have decided that i wont talk to Tara until she rings
me. I am getting a really bad vibe from her and the way she
was talking to me today, i could have slapped her. She
knows my current situation so i dont understand why she has
to be a bitch to me. Maybe she has her rag, who knows. Ok
fair enough, in her favour, it would be annoying to have
someone ring u like 4-5 times a day but for fuck sake, most
of the time its because i cant get a hold of her or she
keeps telling me to ring back later. What more do i have to
do? I can't understand how someone that u love more than
anything in the world can just turn on you and say "your
obsessed". I swear the next time she says that, i will
fuckin go off the wall. I know that its going to be REALLY
hard to resist calling her. Especially since Adam is going
away and i wont be able to talk to him. I don't think i'll
be able to stay here and keep myself occupied. I will HAVE
to go out and do something. I can't ring lizzy either
because she will know its just an attempt to stop ringing
Tara. Which is fair enough. I don't think lizzy could keep
up a conversation with me like i do with Tara. We have a
different mind sense with each other. I can't ring Cass
cause i'll end up talking about Tara and that will make me
want to call her. I will be thinking about her all the time
and i know it. The last time i tried something like this,
we just picked up where we left off as if nothing had
happened, but this time it is up to her to call me. So she
has to make the initiative. Which also means i could be
waiting for ages but i don't think so. I hope not. I'll die
otherwise. I can't live without her and i don't think she
appreciates my love and care for her as much as i would
like her to. But, if she thinks that im that annoying, well
then she can fuckin see how she deals with it on her own.
Im sure she would say "i'll be fine. I don't need help",
yeah well she has needed it before from me. Especially if
she needed a lift somewhere. I don't mind doing anything
for her because the more i see her the better. I thought
she understood how i felt and what i have been through to
get to this stage in my life. My life is shitty right now
as it is without having my best friend telling me that im
annoying. She didn't say that outright but i knew she was
thinking that. I could hear it in her voice. You know Tara,
if im that fucking annoying, why don't you tell me to fuck
off. Then we will see how you go without me. Lets see
somebody else take the charge against ur parents and tell
them that i'll be there so there will be no problems, help
you out with getting to places, get u things when u need
them, even buying you phone credit at nearly 11 at night.
I'm sure there will be someone else out there who will do
that and the heaps more that i also do for you with no
problems whatsoever. But if you do say that to me, you
better make sure u r prepared for a funeral. Because I will
NOT live without you in my life.

Im done.

Flemo




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