brkunsulofglss

would the world stop spinning
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2003-12-12 11:31:54 (UTC)

love is...it just is....and nothing you can say can take that away

i must sound like i'm part of some bleeding hearts socitey
everytime i post in here..i'm always posting about some
heartbreak or something to that effect.
this happens when your the girl in love with the idea of
being in love i guess.
i used to not post everything i felt on here for fear of
someone reading it and being upset with me...
i think by my last few post you can see that's changed a
little tho. i never dont say what i feel really,i'm honest
enough to put the things i want down, just not always as
bluntly or clearly as i could.
i hadda talk the other day about wether the pain of
heartbreak goes away with time. i honestly don't think in
some situations it does at all....
lemme give you an example
1.am i still hurt that i'm not with aften,or the reasons
why?
no.i'm no longer in love with aften in the least.i came to
a point where i relized that the girl never felt for me the
way she did or will for other people.i always knew that i'd
never be what he was to her,just hoped it'd be close...so i
guess i'm spending time now being like i told you so,and
asking myself why it took so long to relize that a shitty
person or relationship is just that...shitty.
2.am i still hurt because i let her be so shitty to me for
so long,or am i still hurt by the fact that aften has made
my already hard to trust issues worse?
yes.i let it get in the way of something amazing,because of
that i lost sight of what people really can be like and
screwed up something beautiful in my life.
3.am i hurt that caela and i aren't together?
most deffinatly,it was my own falt...caela should have been
treated with 100% more respect then i gave her,all because
i didn't think first,maybe even took things a little for
granted,got a little scared.i just didn't relize what the
hell i was doing, but of course you always relize 3 and
half seconds to late.i owe her more than i could possably
imagine.

i don't think that the hurt of ether of those to things
will go away.

i don't believe in second chances on things like love
anymore,and i think alot of that is due to aften as well...
i tried more than once to get it back,months dont make
people different.

i have a friend who tells me,when i get into a spot in life
where things are great and i should be at my happiest i
self destruct...i guess untill very recently i never
completely understood what she ment.wish there were better
advice for someone who gets scared when it gets good...
when you've always had a min of good followed by ten mins
of bad you kinda look at it like maybe you shouldn't get
your hopes up,or you should go ahead and head it off so you
wont end up getting hurt again.
there is a very big part of me that thinks that's what i've
done this time.. no one was here to stop me


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